Drum – 01 August 2019

(Frompreviouspage)

thefilmTheBestExoticMarigoldHotel,
foundherselfdatingagaininhersixties,
it broughtherface-to-facewiththereal-
itiesofageing.
“Ina longmarriageyouandyour
partneragetogether... youhardlynotice
thewrinklesandthethickeningwaist,”
shewritesinanarticlepublishedinThe
Telegraph.
“It’sdifferentforpeopleinmyposition.
WhenI meeta manhemirrorsbackto
memyownmortality.It givesmea shock
torealiseI’mthatold.Andhe’sprobably
thinkingjustthesame.”
Shegoesontotalkaboutallthephys-
icalstuff– “holdingyourstomachin,
embarrassmentaboutwrinkles,bingo
wingsandsoon”– thatcanmakeyou
feelself-consciousandinsecure.
Buttheamazingthingisthat“love
doesworkitsoldmagic”,shesays.
Shefoundsomeonenew.
“Hedoesn’tmindwrinkles,butthen

he’sgotsomehimself.We’rebothveter-

ansoftheromanticmerry-go-round

andhavethescarstoproveit.”

It’simportanttobecomfortablewith

yourself,saysKhoza.

DOS&DON’TS

DO

Behonest– withyourselfandtheother

person– aboutyourexpectations.

Beflexiblewithoutstrayingfromyour

principles.

Makeyourtimetogetherfunandex-

citingandnotsimplya sessioninwhich

theotherpersonisbeinginterrogated

abouthisorherlife.

Tellyourprospectivenewpartnerif

you’reaninvolvedparentbuttalkabout

thingsotherthanyourkidsaswell.

Giveyourselfandtheotherperson

timetogettoknoweachotherwithout

expectinga seriousloveaffairatthe

dropofa hat.

DON’T

Compareyourdatewithyourprevious

partner.

Fearrejection.

Getdiscouragedtooearlyinthe

process.

Getclingytooquickly– itwillscare

prospectivepartnersoff.

Discussyourfinancialaffairswiththe

otherpersonearlyintherelationship

• trustmustbeearned.
  Thinkyoucanchangesomeone’shabits


• bewillingtotakethemastheyare.
  Becomeintimate too quickly because
  thenit’sdifficultto backtrack and
  allowtherelationship to grow gradually.

“Themoreyoulikeyourself,thebetter

thechancethatotherswilllike– and

evenlove– youtoo.

EXTRASOURCES:PSYCHCENTRAL.COM, TELEGRAPH.CO.UK,

SAGA.CO.UK,THISISINSIDER.COM

Olderpeoplegenerallydon’tenjoydating

appsortheexperiencestheyhavethrough

themallthatmuch,Johannesburglifecoach

LindelwaKhozasays.Thisisbecausethese

platforms“areaimedattheneedsofyounger

generationswhocaremoreaboutphysical

appearanceandwhotendtospendan

inordinateamountoftimeonline”.

Khozasaysdatingsitesaimedatthose

over 55 tendtoberepackagedversions

oftheproductsdevelopedwithyounger

peopleinmind.Asa result,theseappsand

sitesdon’tacknowledgethefundamental

differencesintherelationshipneedsof

olderversusyoungerpeople.

Thenthere’stheriskofbeingscammed.

DurbanpsychologistCarol-AnnDixonsays

she’shada numberof clients in therapy

who’dfalleninlovewith someone on an

onlineplatformonlyto discover later that

thepersonhadbeenafter their money

allalong.

“Widowsandwidowers are soft targets,”

shesays.If you’reconsidering online dating,

becarefulabouthowmuch you share on your

profile,Dixonadvises.

“I wouldadvisegetting help from a

youngerfriendwhoknows more about it.”

Whenit comestoyour first face-to-face

meeting,makesureit’s in a public place.

Suggestmeetingfor coffee so you have

theoptionofcuttingthe date short if it

doesn’tgowell,youfeel uncomfortable

orjustknowthisperson isn’t for you.

TIPS FOR ONLINE DATING

38 | 1 AUGUST 2019 http://www.drum.co.za

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