40 | 1 AUGUST 2019 http://www.drum.co.za
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SIS
DOLLY
I’m 29 yearsoldwithtwokidsfromdifferent
fathers.Mysecondchild’sbabydaddy
dumpedmefourmonthsagowhenshe
wasfivemonthsold.
I foundouthe’dcheatedonmeandthenhe
decidedtopickthisnewgirloverme.Hedoessend
moneyforthebabybutheneverasksabouther.
HeputsallthesepicturesonFacebookofhim
andhisnewgirlfriend,whichmakesmefeelreally
bad.
I toldhimI wantedtoworkthingsoutbuthe
toldmeI mustgobacktomyfirstbabydaddy.
HowdoI walkawayfromhim?
EM,EMAILYou are definitely worth more than the way he is
treating you. He has found a new love and is flashing
it in your face because he knows you have feelings
for him.
You should never have asked him to work things out be
cause he’d already showed you that he didn’t care about you
anymore when he left you and your baby, who was only five
months old.
It’s good that he’s assisting you financially – at least he’s
doing his duty. If he doesn’t want to become emotionally
involved with the child, that’s his choice.
What you need to do is concentrate on raising your
children. Be there for them because they need you in their
lives. Forget about him and work on yourself as a person
so you can become the kind of mother your children will be
proud of.
He showed you that he can’t be trusted when he decided
to cheat on you and then he chose the other woman over
you. This does not mean the end of your life – it is in fact
a new beginning. Be kind to yourself.‘Knowingwhat’srightdoesn’t mean
muchunlessyoudowhat’sright’
—FORMERUSPRESIDENTTHEODOREROOSEVELTMychildis having
problemsatschool.
I don’tknowallthe
detailsbecausehefindsit
hardtotalkaboutit withme.
WhatI doknowis that
therearesomeboyswho
arebullyinghim.
He’sonlybeenatthe
schoolsincethebeginning
oftheyearanddoesn’thave
manyfriends,andnowthisis
makingthingsworse.
I trytogivehimideas
abouthowtohandledifficult
situationsbuthedoesn’twant
tolisten.
I wanttodosomethingto
helpbutI don’tknowwhat.
I hatetoseemychildlooking
sosad.
CONCERNEDMOM,EMAILBullyinginwhatever form
it comescancause great
damagetothevictim. If not
handledcarefully,thedamage can
beirreparable.Soit’sgood that
youaretryingtogetinvolved and
findhelpforyourson– it will be
beneficialforhiminthe long run.
I suggestyouinformthe school
thatyoursonisbeingbullied. You
canevendothisanonymously.
Theschoolshouldinvestigate the
matterandwillknowthe proper
mannerinwhichtodeal with this.
Mostschoolsnowhave life
orientationteacherswho are
trainedtohandlesuchmatters. It’s
wonderfulthatyou’vemade it clear
toyoursonthatyou’rethere for him,
buthemaybenefitfrom seeing a
counsellorbecausehefinds it easier
toopenuptosomeone else.Mysonis givingme
manyproblems.
He’s 27 yearsoldand
hasonechildbuthealsohas
manygirlfriendsandhesteals
frommethendisappearsfor
months.
I feeldisrespectedandwant
todisownhim.Whatdoyou
thinkI shoulddo?
FRUSTRATED,SMSIt seems that you think if
you disown your son then
whatever he does won’t
affect you any more. However, you
must remember the fact that he’s
your son won’t change – it’s not a
bond that can easily be severed.
Although he’s not a minor any
more and you’re not responsible for
his wellbeing, unfortunately you stillhaveanobligationtowards him as a
parent. Disowning him will not erase
the fact that he is your child.
You need to make sure you’ve
done everything you can as a
parent. This will ensure you don’t
end up blaming yourself or feeling
guilty if something happens to him.
You need to speak to him about
his behaviour and tell him how it’s
affecting you and how it could ruin
his future.
Talk to him about seeking help
and committing himself to change.
I suggest you find ways to show him
that you’re prepared to help him
with his challenges.
Help him find a counsellor he
can talk to. Hopefully this will help
empower him to redirect his path in
life and find some purpose.
Good luck!MY BOY IS BEING BULLIED
I WANT TO DISOWN MY SON
HOW DO I GET OVER MY EX?
ADVICE