GOOD LAUGHS
IT’SGOODTOBEOVER 50
Kidnappersarenotveryinterestedinyou.
Ina hostagesituationyouarelikelytobe
releasedfirst.
Nooneexpectsyoutorunintoa burning
building.
Peoplecallat9pmandask,“DidI wake you?”
Peoplenolongerviewyouasa
hypochondriac.
There’snothinglefttolearnthehardway.
Thingsyoubuynowwon’twearout.
Youcaneatdinnerat4pm.
Youcanlivewithoutsex(butnotwithout
glasses).
Youenjoyhearingaboutotherpeople’s
operations.
Yougetintoa heatedargumentabout
pensionplans.
Youhavea partyandtheneighboursdon’t
evenrealiseit.
Gettinghighmeansit’stimetotakeyour
bloodpressuremedication.
Younolongerthinkofspeedlimitsasa
challenge.
Youquittryingtoholdyourstomachin,
nomatterwhowalksintotheroom.
Youreyeswon’tgetmuchworse.
Yourinvestmentininsuranceisfinally
beginningtopayoff.
Your joints are more accurate meteor
ologists than the national weather service.
Yoursecretsaresafewithyourfriends
becausetheycan’trememberthemeither.
Yoursupplyofbraincellsisfinallydowntoa
manageablesize.MORONJOKES
Howdidthemoronfallonthefloor?
Hetrippedoverthecordlessphone.
Howdoyouconfusea moron?
Puthimina roundroomandtellhimtositin
thecorner.
Didyouhearaboutthemoronthatgotan
AMradio?
Ittookhima monthtorealisehecouldplayit
atnight.
Whydidthemorongoingtotheairportturn
aroundandgohome?
Becausehesawthesignthatsaid“Airport
Left”.
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I’ll tell you tomorrow!THE DEVOTED WIFE
A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking
care of her husband.
He had been slipping in and out of a coma for
several months, yet she stayed by his bedside
every day.
When he came to his senses, he motioned
for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, “You know what?You have been with me all through the bad
times. When I got fired, you were there to
support me.
“When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side. When we
lost the house, you gave me support.
“When my health started failing, you were
still by my side. You know what?”
“What, my dear?” she asked gently.
“I think you bring me bad luck!”CLEVERWIFE
Twoperfectlycoiffedandwelldressed
women sit in an upmarket restaurant enjoying
a champagnebreakfast.
Oneofthewomenlooksupandspiesonher
exhusband and his latest fling being seatedat
a tablenotfarfromthem.
Thewomanleansover,pointsatherex
husbandandwhisperstoherfriend, “Itisme
whomademyexhusband a millionaire, you
know?”
“And what was he before you married him?”
her friend asks, intrigued.
“A billionaire,” she replies with a smirk.THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I
never likedanyway,the good fortune to run
into the onesI doand the eyesight to tell the
difference.