Oxfordshire Limited Edition – August 2019

222 |OxfordshireLimitedEdition|August 2019

IanLammingfindsthenewLamborghiniUrustobeadeath-defyingexperience

LIFE AND DEATH

Y

ounglady,youowemeyour
life,or,ifnotme,youowe
ittoLamborghini.What
cognitiveprocesswasgoing
throughyourgreymatteras
youspedacrossthepetrol
stationforecourt,threadingyourwaythrough
cones,ignoringwarningsignsthesizeof
billboards,toturnacrosstrafficinsteadof
filteringintothecontra-flow?
InanyotherSUV,sadly,youwouldbe
roadkill,morethan 2. 2 tonnesofmetal
strikingyouinthedriver’sdoor,thatmost
vulnerableofweakpoints,dissectingyour
sludge-colouredSkodaOctaviaEstateintwo.
Youandyourfamilyweresavedby
thehugewhiteLamborghiniUruswhich,
strangely,bizarrely,youfailedtonotice,
despitebeingthesizeofasmallterraceand
beingilluminatedbybrightLEDheadlights;
whatmoredoyourequire?Perhapsanescort
withalantern,wavingaredflag.Andnolow
sunthistimetosaveyoufromaroyalflush
ofembarrassment.

Ionlyofferyounowthebenefitofdoubt

withthisfleetingthought;theUrusdoes

seemtopassunnoticedintownmakingme

wonderwhetheritsangularlinesofferthe

stealth-likepropertiesofthelatestgeneration

nuclearfighter-bomber.LikeIsaid,inany

othercaryouwouldnowbeasadstatisticof

theroadandsomightIandmypassengers,

whoallbracedforimpactwiththeknowing

acceptancethatlittlemorecouldbedoneto

avoidtheinevitablecollision.

Yetnocrunching,renderingofmetal

andglassoccurredastheUrusstoodonits

noseinafashionasequallyspectacularas

ithadraiseditduringfull-chatacceleration

in“Corsa”modedaysbefore.Blessedwith

Spider-Man-likeperipheralsenses,honed

by 40 yearsofmotorcyclingandcountless

attemptsonmylifebycardrivers,myfoot

hitthelargebrakepedalhardbeforemy

consciousnessevenregisteredthedanger.

AdmirersoftheUrushadcommentedon

thescaleofthefrontdiscsandgargantuan

red-paintedcallipersandherewasthetruetest.

Thankfully,innarrowcontra-flowroadworks,

theUruswasbangonthe 30 mphspeedlimit

but,withconsiderablegirthtoarrest,the

kineticenergyinvolvedwasstillmind-blowing.

Ten-pistoncallipersbitdeeplyintoracecar-

inspired 17 incarbon-ceramicdiscsandthe

ABSgrounditslife-savingcacophony.Speed

scrubbedoff,twothingssavedyoufroma

hedgehogfate.Firstly,youbraked,secondly,

atthelastsecond,millimetresfromdisaster,

Isnap-steeredaquarterturnright,diverting

bravelytowardsoncomingtraffic,butfinding

spaceenoughbetweentheconesandcarsto

missyouandthem.Ironically,theclosecall

wastheperfectwaytoendtheexperience,a

from-the-clutches-climaxtoajoyousencounter.

‘Thisallgoestomake

UrusaproperSUVwith

agenerousbootand

yardsofrearlegroom’