Can you guess what I am?
Order Up! Person, Place or Thing?
A. The sitcom Mama’s Family starring
Vicki Lawrence debuts on television
B. Nabisco releases a new snack cracker,
Teddy Grahams
C.^ Volkswagen introduces the JettaCan you guess which
happened fi rst, second
and third?D
etective
Hamm opened
his front door to
find his neighbor, Mrs.
Marble, smiling sweetly
on the front stoop. Before
he could groan inwardly,
she shoved a plate of fresh
baked brownies across the
threshold. What could she want
this time? he thought, lean-
ing forward ever so slightly to
inhale the chocolaty aroma.
“I’m so sorry to bother you
on your day off, Detective,”
Mrs. Marble crowed. “This
will just ta ke a second of your
time. May I come in?”
She’d already followed her
brownies into the foyer, her
white head swiveling around.
Thank goodness he’d just
finished straightening up his
apartment.
“How may I help you, Mrs.
Marble?” He straightened
his shirt, wondering if
he could tuck it in with-
out her noticing.
“I’ve caught a thief,”
she announced noncha-
lantly. “And I thought
you’d be a dear and take
the culprit down to the
station for me.”
“A thief?” His eye-
brows lifted. Although
he was getting used to hiselderly neighbor’s penchant for
finding trouble, this was a new
one. “And where is this thief?”
“Locked in my spare bed-
room, of course,” she replied,
her sweet smile never wavering.
“Of course.” He followed her
into his kitchen, convinced she
must be kidding.
“Milk with your brownies?”
She asked, already digging
through his fridge.
He dutifully removed two
glasses from the cabinet, sur-
reptitiously wiping the spots
from them and sat down while
she poured.
“What did this thief steal?”
he asked between bites of
chewy chocolate. She really did
make the best desserts, from
brownies to cakes and pies.
He’d gained f ive pounds just in
the few months he’d lived next
door to her.“Well, it’s best if I start
from the beginning,” she said.
“Louise, Enid and I decided
to pool our money and hire
a masseuse to give us each a
massage next weekend.”
Detective Hamm nearly
choked on his brownie.
“Lou found three masseurs
online that seemed to f it our
budget. She’s quite computer
sav v y! So we ca lled a ll three
and set up interviews.”
“The first to arrive was a
thin redhead who brought
brochures and pamphlets
about the types of massage
she could do. But we immedi-
ately dismissed her. She shook
each of our hands and we all
agreed they felt too tiny and
soft. These old bones need a lot
of kneading.”
She placed another brownie
in front of him.
“Next came a very colorful
man—red hair, purple slacks,
blue shoes. He bowed to each
of us. Enid was smitten, and
she showed him the spare bed-
room where we’d set up candles
and aromatherapy for relax-
ing, but the poor man started
sweating and couldn’t stop.”
“Arthur was next. He wore
a proper suit and was quite fas-
tidious about his appearance.
He only stayed for ten minutesand used the bathroom twice.”
Detective Hamm set his empty
glass on the table. “All well and
good, Mrs. Marble, but you’ve
yet to tell me what was stolen.”
“Enid’s emerald bracelet. She
borrowed it from her sister not
two days ago, but after the three
appointments, it was gone.”
“But if all three masseuses’
left, how could the thief be
locked in your spare bedroom? ”
“Well, I knew who the cul-
prit was immediately, so we
simply placed another call and
dangled a carrot.”
“Which was?”
“Cash up front for twenty
ten-minute massages.” She
smiled triumphantly. “If there’s
one thing a thief can’t resist, it’s
his own greed!”
“Well, then I guess we
shouldn’t keep the perpetrator
waiting.” Detective Hamm
grabbed his coat and hat and
ushered Mrs. Marble to the
door. He hesitated and looked
at the little old lady.
“But how did you know
who the thief was...and who
is it that’s locked in your
spare bedroom?”
—Su Kopil
Q: What gave the
thief away?
A : Turn to pg 49A thieving masseuse
Q I debuted in 2010
Q I look retro but am really high-tech
Q I’m very image-driven
Q I love to network
Q I’m not a coffee maker,
but I do use fi ltersQ I gave rise to a lot of “infl uencers”
Q I am #popular
Q I’m owned by Facebook
Q To m e, b eing a follower is good
Q I owe a thing or two to the
Polaroid picture
1988 .B 1983 .A 1979. C! Order Up Person, Place or Thing? I am Instagram“You^ lick,^ I’ll^ dry”