July/August 2019 17I ever independent, or was I confident in taking
chances because my parents were my safety net?
They were always my biggest support system and
loudest cheerleaders. I am who I am because of
them.
My parents taught me to value myself and to treat
others with decency and respect. They instilled
in me an appreciation for education and culture.
They taught me to be aware of my history and
to do my best to persevere. They supported and
encouraged me through two college degrees and
career pitfalls. They celebrated my successes. In
the sum of all things, my parents championed my
pursuit of happiness.
How could I continue without them?
Somehow, I found the strength to carry on. I went
back to work and focused on career development.
I did my best to be open to social opportunities.
However, I started to feel guilty. Several people
told me that I was “strong” to keep going. Such
compliments actually nurtured my guilt. Claims
that they would not be able to cope if they were in
my place stung the most. These unfortunate words
of encouragement were hard to swallow. What do
they mean?I started to believe mourning somehow required
me to stop living. Was my effort to get back to my
life somehow a betrayal of their memory?It took some time to stop comparing myself to
others. No particular style of mourning is better
than the next. Coping is an individualistic process
and must be approached with great care. At times,
the sadness becomes too overwhelming, and I feel
the need to succumb. On the contrary, there are
times when I remember my parents’ spirit: his
lively love for socializing and her warm empathy.
Evoking these aspects of my life helps me mourn
them, celebrate them, and honor them.It was a struggle, but I have learned that mourning
and living do not have to be mutually exclusive.
There is no need to feel guilty about continuing to
live and enjoy life. I can grieve lost relationships
and cherish the new life I experience each day.
After all, it is what my parents always encouraged
me to do: live my life in the pursuit of happiness.Johnny Edward Johnson is a civil service professional currently working in government adminis-
tration. After writing his first short story in high school, he became fas-
cinated with the way people use words to express their ideas and dif-
ferent facets of life. Johnny subsequently earned a bachelor’s degree
in English from California State University, Dominguez Hills. Following
graduation, he worked in marketing and sales. Unhappy in that career
field, Johnson later obtained a master’s degree in Humanities from his
alma mater to strengthen his skills in advanced writing and research
through the study of ideas, innovations, and gifted individuals. He is
inspired to influence society in positive ways by sharing narratives,
which encourage, educate, and enliven.I started to believe mourning somehow required me to stop living.
Was my effort to get back to my life somehow a betrayal of their memory?