See Beyond – July 2019

41

A Therapist’s View on Character

By Shandy Melson

As a person living with bipolar disorder, my be-
havior during a manic phase can be construed as
inappropriate, dangerous, unusual, or even insane.
A lot of times my character is misconstrued as
“bad” because of these behaviors. As a therapist,
this can be problematic. If my behaviors are too
erratic, I cannot work. However, colleagues and
supervisors sometimes conclude that these bad
behaviors are a result of bad character rather than
a severe mental illness. Conversely, sometimes my
bad behavior and mistakes are inappropriately
attributed to my illness. In other words, not every
stupid thing I do is because of bipolar disorder.

Bipolar is a condition in which a person suffers
from episodes of depression: feeling down or
disinterested, experiencing fatigue, feelings of
worthlessness, and mania: grandiosity, increased
energy, decreased sleep, and risky behaviors.
Bipolar disorder is primarily treated with
medications, and finding the right mix can be
challenging. Therapy is also quite important. For
me, bipolar is mostly depressive feelings for much
of the time, with mania occurring a few times
per year—although sometimes it occurs more
frequently. I take five medications and have received
considerable therapy.

In addition to having bipolar disorder, I am in
recovery from addiction: the compulsive use of

substances, or even other behaviors such as sex,

despite persistent negative effects. During my ac-

tive addiction, I did many things I am not proud

of. Things that hurt the people I love, things that

hurt me and demonstrated a lack of character.

I believe I was and am a good person, but my

character lacked self-compassion and selflessness

while I poisoned my body with various intoxi-

cants.

When I took a job as a certified nursing assistant

at a nursing home at the age of twenty, I hated it.

I dropped out of an electronics engineering pro-

gram to clean various fluids from people’s bodies

and beds; I thought I was too good for this work.

I did the work, and I did it well. But I hated every

minute of it. My character was flawed, not be-

cause I disliked the work, but because I thought I

was above it. My ego prevented me, at first, from

recognizing and respecting the people I cared for;

instead I resented the situation because I was not

doing what I wanted. Resentment is a common

feature among people struggling with addiction.

My addiction progressed over the seven years that

I worked at the nursing home. But over time,

I grew to love the work. I learned so much about

life and death, compassion and patience. The res-

idents of the nursing home became family, as did

My character was flawed, not because

I disliked the work, but because I thought I was above it.

July/August 2019