43he was involved in was unusual for me. Steven
was an enforcer for a cartel. Without going into
details, suffice it to say he was not a person you
would want knocking on your door at night.
When I began work with Steven, he trusted no
one at my agency, including me. It took at least
two months for him to open up about his histo-
ry and substance use. The time prior to that was
spent simply showing Steven respect, explaining
the therapeutic process, and joking around at
times. Steven was a funny guy, capable of signifi-
cant violence, and yet he seemed so child-like to
me. Not childish, but child-like.
Eventually, we started talking about more mean-
ingful issues like problems with his girlfriend. This
progression continued until Steven finally started
to discuss the lifestyle from which he came. We
discussed his antisocial ideals, trauma from what
he had seen and done, and of course we worked
on addiction recovery. The progress Steven made
led him to become a recovery coach: someone
who helps other people new to addiction recovery.
This amazing man, deeply engrained in substance
use and crime, changed his life so dramatically
that our entire agency was impressed. I never take
credit for the success or failure of my clients, but
I do believe that if my character had not been
strong, I would not have been able to show Steven
the unconditional positive regard and respect he
deserved.As a therapist with a severe mental illness, I have
to be constantly vigilant of my mood states. For
me, this comes down to the values, beliefs, and
attitudes of my character. I am so grateful for my
time at the nursing home where I learned compas-
sion and how to use it to help people. It humbled
me. Without that experience, I likely would not
have become a therapist where I continue to
develop my character. I would not be able to help
my clients properly, and that could cause some-
one harm. Through addiction recovery, I regained
values such as honesty, open-mindedness, and a
strong ability to read people well enough to help
them open up. Therapists employ techniques
with which to build rapport and help clients gain
insights, but nothing is more important than
connection. Without sincerity and genuineness,
a therapist would struggle to build these relation-
ships with clients.Character is built over time, and the more aware
we are of our positive values and our negative
traits, the better equipped we are to move forward
in this process. Truly, sages must first strengthen
their own character before trying to strengthen
the character of others. This is how we help each
other.Shandy Melson (MS, NCC, LCPC, LCADC-S) is a licensed clinical professional counselor and a licensed
clinical alcohol and drug counselor supervisor. He is an adjunct instructor at Uni-
versity of Nevada, Las Vegas. Shandy is pursuing a Doctor of Behavioral Health
degree, which will allow him to help transform the healthcare industry toward
integrated healthcare. He contracts and consults with various agencies to treat
clients with addiction, trauma-related disorders, and mood-disorders. In private
practice, Shandy treats children, adolescents, and adults. Shandy manages his own
bipolar disorder with the help of his wife, Janice, two sons, Shadyn and Daniel, and
daughter, Kiera, all of whom show him compassion and patience. Their household
includes three cats and an amazing guard dog. Shandy enjoys hiking, playing video
games, reading and binge-watching TV shows.The more aware we are of our positive values and our negative traits,
the better equipped we are to strengthen our character.
July/August 2019