Daily Express Tuesday, July 30, 2019 13DX1STMY tolerance for guided tours
has waned. I don’t care how
many tons of something the
Romans schlepped up a hill or
how many threads were
involved in weaving vestments.
Statistics leave me cold and I
don’t care to stare at boilers or
four-posters or broken pots.
The redoubtable Hook
Lighthouse tour in County
Wexford, the second-oldest
operating lighthouse in the
world, is the exception. Did you
know the phrase “by hook or by
crook” may have evolved from
Oliver Cromwell’s statement
that Waterford would fall
whether his army landed at the
aforementioned Hook, or at the
neighbouring village of Crooke?
I was enchanted.CONGRATULATIONS to a radiant
Heidi Klum, 46. She’s tied the
knot with Tokio Hotel (me
neither) guitarist Tom Kaulitz, 29
and says she has never known
happiness like it.
The two locked eyes on the set
of Germany’s Next Top Model
and although she is a pristine
fashionista and he favours the
“through a hedge backwards”
look, they have fallen head over
heels. Gentle reader, I’m sureyou know I’m a veteran of a an
age gap relationship. My other
half Ben is ten years younger
than me.
Yet I always cite the fact that
we hail from different cultures,
religions and educational
backgrounds as the reason our
relationship seems to gel. Klum
is altogether different. Her
explanation for their union is
“maybe it’s because he is
German and we understand each
other in a different way”. Who
cares? When it works it works.Age no barrier
to true love
Oliver had me
totally hooked
I’m betting on an
Oscar for Simon
H
E’S shed 20 pounds, embraced an
“almost vegan” diet and at the age
of 59 Simon Cowell inspires bray-
ing hoots of derision from a rotten
rabble who think he should keep
his ambition under control. Instead
of resting comfortably on his lavish laurels,
Simon plans for further world domination.
With his instinct for lucrative opportunities
he has witnessed the success recent biopics
featuring Freddie Mercury and Elton John. Mr
Cowell thinks he could do a bang-up job of
turning other musical giants into silver-screen
extravaganzas and very much fancies winning
an Oscar along the way. He is still hit-hungry.
His desire for conquest is as hot approach-
ing 60 as it was in his 20s. He’s not ready to
sip into ritzy retirement. There’s studios to
woo, scripts to commission, actors to audition
and a new avenue of experience to stroll.
Doubt at your peril. This is the man who
looked at the mighty TV characters Power
Rangers and thought: “What if these dudes
made a record?” Amid jeers and flying toma-
toes he acted on his intuition and made the
impossible happen. The Power Rangers theme
tune sold millions of copies.
He used his Midas touch on Zig & Zag. The
rumour was that they were puppets but I
worked with them on The Big Breakfast and
can confirm they were honoured colleagues.S
IMON made them sing and Them
Girls Them Girls hit number five in
the charts. He worked wonders with
the WWF theme tune before he zoomed in on
Soldier Soldier stars Robson and Jerome.
He had the two popular actors record cov-
ers of old pop songs and the rest is showbiz
history. The album Robson & Jerome reached
No.1 in the UK, and stayed there seven weeks
and they had the bestselling single of 1995.
Not content with that he went on to sign
the spectacularly successful boy band 5ive,
and found Westlife.
All this before taking on TV and launching
Pop Idol, followed in dazzling succession by
The X Factor – and American Idol and X
Factor US – then bombing back here in 2010
with the irrepressible Britain’s Got Talent.
Cowell, say admirers, is determined to “stay
relevant”. The only way to appear relevant is
to strike out ahead of the curve, predict what
people will want before they know they want
it and serve it to them in bite-sized pieces to
ensure they think your choices are theirs.
I’d like to be there when he gets his Oscar.Vanessa Feltz
FROM THE HEART
MILDRED HUBBLE CONJURES UP TROUBLE AT THE DOUBLE
THE Worst Witch books are belters. They depict the harum-
scarum failings of Mildred Hubble, a novice witch at a
boarding school called Miss Cackle’s Academy For Witches.
Both my girls were captivated by Mildred and her
misadventures. We devoured the series and gently blessed
the author Jill Murphy in our prayers. Now, however, she
has slightly blotted her copybook.
Jill has implied that JK Rowling ought to acknowledge her
influence. She says she is “being gracious” but that “it
would be nice if people would say thank you”. Cue ragefrom a nation of Harry Potter fanatics, falling over one
another to point out the differences – and believe me there
are many – between Mildred and Harry. My younger
daughter sums it up: “You’d never see adults in cloaks and
capes waiting outside shops for the latest Worst Witch story.”■
IT’S hard to sum up the
essence of missing
someone. Bereavement is so
intensely personal.
Actress Kara Tointon paid
tribute to her late mother
Carol, who died earlier this
year. “I miss you. I miss your
voice. I miss your smile. I
miss your smell. I miss your
hug. I miss your jokes. I miss
how you made me feel. I miss
your everything.”
Of my own mother Valerie,
who died 24 years ago I
would add: “I miss your
refinement. I miss your
insistence on tray cloths, side
plates, tiny vases of flowers
by the bed, never eating in
the street and coming close
to tell you things, never
yelling from downstairs. Your
chicken soup and purloining
books on your bedside table
and your caring about if I was
wearing sensible shoes.”THANK heavens 2019’s Little
House On The Prairie style
makes every female look as
if she’s just come back from
a prayer meeting with Ma
and Pa Ingalls.
In her £120 Ghost tea
dress, in a pretty shade of
rose pink, Carrie Symonds
shone brighter than a
Watteau watercolour as she
waited for Boris to ascend
the hallowed steps of 10
Downing Street.
Speculation about how the
couple will tread the
hitherto untrodden path of
the un-divorced PM and his
significant other is rife.
How about this for a
suggestion: Boris will cut a
swathe through all
expectations, give not a fig
for fusty protocol and do
what feels fun and right?Bold Boris will
carry the day
Pictures: GETTY; PA