ILLUSTRATION BY Mark SummersWhat are the best and worst
parts of success?
The best is flying first class
when you don’t have to pay for
it. The worst is when you’re sick
and people recognize you. I had
a kidney stone a couple of years
back in the middle of a book
tour and had to be rushed to
the hospital. You’re sitting there
and people yell out, “Hey, it’s
John Waters!” And somebody
else says, “Who’s John Waters?”
You’re from Baltimore.
What’s the most Baltimorean
thing about you?
I never pay to park. A
Baltimorean would rather die
than pay to park.
You were raised Catholic.
How did that affect you later
on?
I’m glad I was raised Catholic
because sex will always be dirty.
But I hate the new pope. When
he says, “Who am I to judge
about gay marriage?” I go,
“You’re the fucking pope, that’s
who you are. You’re infallible.”
My favorite thing, though, is
on Good Friday when he kisses
the feet of the male prisoners.
That’s called “shrimping” in my
world.
Have you challenged
yourself to get filthier or more
shocking?
I don’t try to do that on
purpose. I hate all of these
movies that people say are
“John Waters–esque,” because
Waters’ essay
collection ‘Mr. Know-It-
All’ is out now.they’re trying too hard. I’m trying
to make you laugh — that’s
what I’ve always done from the
beginning. So, no, I don’t try to
out-top or out-shock. I think I am
politically correct. There will be
people who argue with that, but I
think I am.
Is anything too politically
correct these days?
When I heard about “theybies,”
where you don’t tell your child
what sex they are until they
decide, I had to roll my eyes. Give
me a break. That child will be in a
psychiatric unit early.
How do you handle negative
criticism?
Bad reviews are easier to take
when you’re young than when
you’re old. When you’re young,
you’re glad somebody noticed.
There was a culture war going
on when I was young; it was us
versus them, and the critics were
always “them.” They hated what
I did, so my ads were all just the
bad reviews. That couldn’t happen
today. The critics are too hip for
that. So you have to read the good
ones twice, the bad ones once, and
put them away
in a box and never look at them
again.
What did you learn from
getting a PG rating for Hairspray?
People always figured I’d get
an NC-17, so getting a PG was a
shock that worked. Hairspray
is a Trojan horse — it’s the only
devious movie I ever made.
It snuck in everywhere and
encouraged gay marriage and
interracial dating, and no one
ever noticed. The joke I make in
[Mr. Know-It-All] is, “Even racists
like Hairspray.”What do you wish someone
had told you about the movie
business before you got into it?
You have to make friends
with the bookkeepers at every
company. I still get a Christmas
card from the bookkeeper at
New Line who hasn’t worked
there in 30 years. But you’ve
got to keep an eye on your
finances. I think Madonna
checks everything on her hotel
bills. I do too. As soon as you
don’t, you lose control of your
life.
You write in the book about
being at ease with your age.
What’s the secret to aging
gracefully?
Never go to a nude beach. If
you go to the gym every day,
people still don’t want to see
you nude at 70.
What has life been like as a
queer public figure?
My father used to tell me, “Just
don’t say it in USA Today.” So
I never did. And to this day, if
I ever talk to USA Today, I’m
“in the club,” in memory of
my father and his friends. He
didn’t care if I was on the cover
of Out. What person that he
knew would see that?
When you made Polyester,
you released it in “Odorama,”
with scratch-and-sniff cards,
and one of the scents was
“flatulence.” Do you think
people secretly like smelling
farts?
That’s a good question. I
believe the real truth is
people like smelling
their own farts and
not others’.
KORY GROWJohn Waters
The People’s Pervert on aging gracefully,
Catholic guilt, and smelling farts
68 | Rolling Stone | July 2019