deAr youth counsellor
I hATe The WOrD “STUDY”!
I don’t want to study, precisely because my parents
force me to study all the time. When I am watching a
movie or a serial they switch off the T.V. and tell me
to study. Even when I come home from school, they
tell me to study. Now, even when I want to study I just
cannot. I hate the word “study”! If I don’t study when
they tell me to, they beat me or say something hurtful.
Ajay (15)I can see that you really hate that ‘s-word’ and feel very
upset about the way your parents force you to study. It
looks like they don’t trust that you will do so.Take a moment and know yourself better: Do you feel
mentally lazy to sit and learn? Do you find it boring, or
perhaps difficult? So, do you escape learning by watching
TV and movies?Given the impact that not preparing for exams will have
on your results and admissions to college and career
courses, how about managing yourself better?Set aside time for focused learning, every day — at least
2 hours. You can break the two hours into 1 hour each.
Take a 5-10 minute break after every 25-30 minutes. You
can spend 30 minutes on television as a reward. At the
end of the week, reward yourself by watching a movie.To learn better, create mind-maps; change questions
and answers into a quiz; connect information in your
textbook to real life situations. You will automatically
move from boring study to interesting learning.MY MOTher LIKeS MY SISTer MOre
ThAn Me
My mother likes my sister more than me. My sister
is better in studies than me and so my mother thinks
that I am jealous of my sister. But I love my sister.
My mother always shouts at me for any problem.
I am the elder child in the family. I don’t have any
hatred towards my sister. How can I make my mother
understand this?
Hilu (18)Dear Hilu,It sounds like you feel very upset that your mother
mistakenly thinks that you are jealous of your sister and
are quite convinced that your mother likes her more than
she likes you.I’m not sure what problems your mother shouts at you
for... but it would be good to reflect on why she does
so. Is she taking out her frustrations on you? Or are you
really making her angry? Is your relationship with your
sister a truly loving one?How good is your relationship with your mother?
What are the things that you and your mother share in
common? How are you both different from each other?
What is good in your relationship and what isn’t? What
does your mother expect from you as a daughter? What
are the things that you can bond over, such as cooking,
fashion, television programmes and so on?Instead of trying to convince your mother that you
don’t hate your sister, reach out and build a strong
relationship with both of them, and your mother will
automatically be convinced.I LIKe TO TALK TO POOr PeOPLe
I am a boy from a respectable and rich family. My
family can afford to give me the best of things, but
instead of enjoying all these things, I like to spend my
time with my friends who are poor. I also like to talk
to poor people and sometimes I even bring them home
and feed them. My parents do not like me doing this
and want me to talk only to boys from wealthy families.
My aim is to become a social worker. What should I do?
Rohit (15)Dear Rohit,It is admirable that you care for those less privileged
than you and want to become a social worker in future.However, it helps to be sensitive to whether your
parents feel comfortable about whom you bring home
and you need to respect their wishes. At the same time,
the people you bring home should also feel comfortable
about coming over.While you may feel very comfortable with your ‘friends
who are poor’, it will help to reflect and examine what
stops you from making friends with those who are not.
Mixing with a variety of people will make you a balanced
person who is attuned to the needs of people from
different socio-economic backgrounds.A wise person said, “Give a man a fish and you feed
him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for
a lifetime.” As a social worker, you will be called upon
to differentiate between ‘friendship’ and ‘social work’.
So, instead of simply befriending and feeding the less
privileged, you will need to help them to become self-
reliant and keep their self-respect. Good luck on your
caring journey!