22 S MAGAZINE ★ 28 JULY 2019
Life as I know it
Clive Anderson
Not a lot of people know this
but I’m very good at... I’m
not sure I’ve got many talents,
hidden or otherwise. I play
football every week. I imagine
my teammates would say that
talent is hidden, too.
My best friend is... my wife. I have
lots of friends but I wouldn’t say
there’s somebody I could point to.
I’m pretty close to my dog, actually.
My nickname is... Oddly enough
one of my children and my Mystic
Britain co-presenter, Mary-Ann
Ochota, noticed that my name
spelt backwards is evilC. It’s a bit
of a harsh nickname, but it’s the
only one I’ve ever had.
The bravest thing I’ve ever
done is... pull the communication
cord on a train. I’m not sure it
was brave, but it was dramatic.
I slightly regretted it. There was
a fight going on and my actions
drew their attention. It worked out
all right in the end.
My favourite TV show is... Family
Guy. It can be quite tasteless but
it’s remarkable that they come
up with so many stories. I don’t
know if it’s work ethic or sheer
determination to suck every last
drop out of an idea.
My perfect evening is... I do a
Radio 4 programme called Loose
Ends. Sometimes my guests are
in plays and I enjoy seeing them
onstage after a nice meal out.
I’d like to say sorry to... quite
a lot of people if I applied my
mind to it.
My first kiss was... during
a game of kiss chase in theplayground, I’m sure. Boys used
to run away from being kissed,
but that soon changes.
The one thing I’d change about
myself is... to be more decisive.
The best thing my parents taught
me was... to try to behave
honourably.
The last time I cried was... at
a funeral. Acknowledging the
sadness is OK. It’s the jokes
or light-hearted tales about the
person that make me damp
around the eyes.
The first record I ever bought
was... It’s All Over Now by The
Rolling Stones. I didn’t buy many
records. My father thought they
were a waste of money. Bobby
Womack wrote the song and I’ve
had the joy of interviewing him.
It was not long before he died
and he had a very colourful life.
I asked him questions about
his autobiography and he denied
the truth.
It’s not good for my image but
I like... There is nothing I want
to admit to. I was a lawyer for
quite some time so I’m used to
advising people not to say things.
My greatest weakness is... plain
chocolate digestive biscuits.
If I could pass any law I would...
be tempted to get rid of some
rather than pass new laws. The
world is a bit of a restricted place.
I drive... a Mitsubishi Outlander
hybrid. You can charge it up and
go a few miles and it’s four-wheel
drive. It combines environmental
concerns with being able to clunk
around a bit.The shop I can’t walk past is...
an ironmongers. I don’t know
why because I don’t do any
ironmongering or DIY. Every now
and then I enjoy the experience
of meeting a man or woman in
a big brown coat who can advise
me on the job in hand.
The most expensive thing I’ve
ever splashed out on is... a
rather garish tweed coat from
Harrods. I only ever bought
books there because they were
the same price as anywhere else
in the world. I bumped into a
salesman in the menswear
section. Why I bought it, I have
absolutely no idea, but I’ve still
got it and I wear it about three
times a year when it’s really, really
cold. That salesman deserves
an award.
The actor I’d like to play me in
a film is... Rory Kinnear. I think
he’d be able to recreate me. I’d
like to put in a claim for myself.
Someone played me in a film
about Peter Cook and I’ve always
wondered why they didn’t ask me
to do it.
The worst job I’ve ever done
is... I’ve always quite liked the
jobs I’ve had. I worked in the
kitchens of a London hotel for
a few weeks, which was hard
work and not much pay. I enjoyed
it, though. I was a postman at
Christmas as a student, too.
That was quite fun.
My perfect Sunday is... a long
lunch with friends and family,
followed by an Arsenal match
in London.My favourite place in Britain
is... Argyll, on the west coast
of Scotland. It has its challenges,
weather wise, but it is very
beautiful.
My last holiday was... I’ve spent
a lot of time in Scotland. I’d like
to say that I’m cutting down on
my air miles, but it’s mostly due
to poor time management that
I haven’t ventured abroad.
I’m currently reading... The
Gift Of The Gab by David Crystal,
Think Like A White Man by
Nels Abbey and This Green
And Pleasant Land by Ayesha
Malik. My books, and indeed
theatre, film and TV watching,
are determined by who I am
interviewing.
The best day of my life was...
quite a while ago now. I went to
court in Oxford in the morning.
I took my wife to hospital and she
gave birth to our first child and
a couple of hours after the birth
I went to film Whose Line Is It
Anyway? In 24 hours I was
a barrister, a father and a
presenter. That was a good day.
If I had half an hour left on Earth,
I’d... phone around as many
people as I could think of to say
goodbye. I assume the phones
will be working. It’d be awful if
it was the middle of the night,
wouldn’t it?See Clive Anderson: Me,
Macbeth & I at the Edinburgh
Festival Fringe from August 3
to 25. For tickets and information,
go to edfringe.com.Comedy writer and presenter Clive, 66, lives in London Words by Kirsten Jones
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