family life
L&L | AUGUST 2019 | 67How to talk about
sexual abuse
Joanna offers the following
pointers about how to approach
the topic of sexual abuse with
your little one. Remember:
● An anxious parent makes
for an anxious child. Remain
calm and stay matter-of-fact
throughout your conversations.
● Focus on the safety rules for
strangers and people they
know. Not all strangers are
dangerous, and not all people
they know are safe. So place
your focus on the rules of
safety rather than frightening
your child and remind your
child to check with you before
engaging with strangers.
● Always be aware what’s
happening with your child
by being an involved parent
and becoming attuned
to your child’s verbal
and non-verbal cues.
When it comes to what to say
she suggests you explain:
● Mommy and Daddy can see
him/her naked, but people
outside of the home should only
see him/her with clothes on.
● Sometimes children need
help, like when taking a bath
or going to the doctor and
that Mommy or Daddy will
be with them all the time.
● “Cleaning and checking”
are quick, and that kind of
touching is never kept a secret.
● No one should touch their
private parts and no one
should ask them to touch
somebody else’s private parts.
● Body secrets are not OK and
your child should always
tell you if someone makes
them feel uncomfortable. »What your child understands about sex
Approachable parents are the best protective factors, which is linked
to less chances of being sexually abused, says Joanna. “That’s
why your number one priority should be to instil in your child that
she can talk to you about anything – no matter what it is.” Here’s
what your child should be able to understand about sexuality:
FROM INFANCY TO TWO
YEARS: Your toddler
should be able to name
all the body parts,
including using the right
words for their genitals.
Using made-up names is
confusing and conveys
the idea that those
parts are shameful. Not
knowing the proper words
also makes it difficult
for a child to get help.
TWO TO FIVE YEARS
OLD: Your child should
understand the basics
of reproduction: a
woman and a man
make a baby together,
and the baby grows in
the woman’s uterus.
By this stage, children
should understand that
their bodies are their
own. Teach them about
privacy around bodyissues and allow them
to tell you if any type of
touching makes them
feel uncomfortable. Tell
your child that private
parts are called “private”
because they’re not for
everyone to see or
touch and that because
they are special
they need to be kept
private in order to keep
themselves safe.