Living and Loving – August 2019

PHOTOGRAPHY

GALLO IMAGES/GETTY IMAGES/ISTOCK

68 | AUGUST 2019 | L&L

Teach body rules
In their book Our Bodies, Helping
Parents, Caregivers and Teachers Talk to
Young Children About Sexuality, Marita,
together with social worker Edith Kriel,
cover “right” and “wrong” touching,
and explain that part of taking care
of your body is knowing about Body
Rules. Here are their guidelines about
what to say to your little one:
● Some Body Rules are about
keeping your body clean, others
are about touching your body
and other people’s bodies or
about seeing naked people.
● Most people keep Body Rules,
but some people break them.
This includes some adults,
teenagers and other children.
● There are all kinds of touches.
There are handshakes and hugs,
pats and back rubs, tickles,
pinches and punches, kicks and
smacks. Some kinds of touches
make you feel happy and others
make you feel sad or cross.
● You are allowed to touch other
people’s hands, face, feet or backs if
they say it’s OK. This is called a right
touch. You are not allowed to touch
other people’s penises, vaginas
or bums. This is called
a wrong touch.
● A boy is allowed to
touch his own penis
and his own bum;
a girl is allowed
to touch her own
vagina and her own
bum in their own rooms
or the bathroom,
but not in front of
other people.
● If you are a boy,
no one should
touch your
penis or your
bum. If you are
a girl no one
should touch

family life

your vagina, your bum or your

breasts (when you’re old enough

for your breasts to grow).

● Sometimes, people break Body

Rules and then make children

feel ashamed. They say: “This is

all your fault!” Children who have

been tricked are not bad – the

person who tricks them is.

● People who break Body Rules want

children to keep it secret. This can

make children feel all mixed up.

● Children are allowed to talk to people

who care about them about Body

Rules and touching. It may be difficult

for children to speak about this, but

when they talk, they are very brave.

WARNING SIGNS

Joanna advises that parents

always trust their gut. If they

notice something isn’t right, or

if someone is making them or

their child uncomfortable, they

should talk abour it and watch

for a cluster of these behaviours:

● Regression to previous

behaviours such as dummy or

thumb sucking, bedwetting,

soiling, or wanting nappies

that they have outgrown.

● Nightmares, or fear of

being alone at night.

● Excessive worry.

● Sexual/suggestive behaviours

or knowledge of words

that are inappropriate

for the child’s age. LL

TO HUG,

OR NOT TO HUG

Joanna suggests allowing your

child to decide about sharing hugs and

kisses. “Model boundaries for your little

one by respecting his personhood, and give

him the chance to make choices and have

opinions within age-appropriate limits. This

will teach him that he’s important, which will

build self-esteem. Always make sure your

discussions include reassurances that

touching from people we know

and love is wonderful and

emotionally fulfilling.”