Femina India – July 10, 2019

At the outset, it should be

mentioned that it isn’t a

psychological disorder,

according to mental health

experts. “Everyone wishes to

have a partner who offers

unconditional love and

support. However, promising

that can be challenging for

both men and women.

Commonly ‘commitment

phobia’ refers to the fear and

anxiety associated with

an obligation that binds

an individual to another,”

explainsMehta.. But, a fear of

commitment does not mean

a person is incapable of

committing. “It means that

the fear and anxiety

of not being able to

back out or withdraw, say,

from a relationship, is

overwhelming,” adds Mehta.

Many people with commitment

issues have also complained of

having experienced poor romantic

relationships themselves.

Pay attention to your

partner's needs

Several factors fuel fear of

commitment. According to

experts, some of the most

common factors that abet

such issues are a history

of infidelity, abuse or

abandonment, low self-

esteem, difficulty in trusting

people, parents’ marital

problems and

a general fear of ending

up in unsatisfactory

relationships. ‘‘Typically,

many people with

commitment issues have

also complained of having

experienced poor romantic

relationships or have

watched their parents be

acrimonious to each other

while growing up,’’ says Dr

Anuneet Sabharwal, a Delhi-

based psychiatrist. Thus,

get to the bottom of it, and

try to find out if an incident

in his past is making him

nervous. It is possible that

he himself isn’t aware of the

underlying causes behind

his resistance. In such cases,

seek a counsellor’s help.

Commitment implies that

a person is pledging his

loyalty to you voluntarily.

At the same time, he will

expect a certain level

of independence in the

relationship. Experts say

that you should not be

encouraging a situation

where he could feel that his

freedom is being trampled

upon; don’t try to change or

force your ideas on him. “For

me, children are a priority

in a long-term relationship.

My ex used to avoid any

discussion on the matter. In

fact, I tried to reason that

GIVE HIM SPACE,

AND OWN YOURS

Before you go all out to

help your man, ensure

that you are ready to

give the relationship

your all. Ask yourself if

you see yourself settling

down with your current

partner sooner or later.

What are your priorities?

Are you falling prey to

peer pressure and the

desire to settle down

just for the sake of it?

Self-clarity can help you

empathise with your

partner and understand his

reservations, if any, about

commitment. “If you are

confident, convey your

decision to your partner,

seek his views and wait for

him to reach a decision,”

says Niharika Mehta,

psychologist, Hiranandani

Hospital, Vashi. Patience is

the key.

KNOW THE SELF-CLARITY

CAUSES

IS IT GENDER

BASED?

While the popular perception

is that men are more

commitment-phobic than

women, research shows that

this may not necessarily be

true. In fact, there are

studies that challenge this

notion. Take a 2013 study by

Pew Research for instance,

which showcased that 83 per

cent of the men and 88 per

cent of the women the

survey covered

were “completely”

or “very” committed

to their partner.

WHAT IS

COMMITMENT

PHOBIA?

ALL ABOUT YOU love