I love a good cry.
My favourite way to spend an evening alone involves
pyjamas, a giant bowl of popcorn, and a favourite ugly-
cry movie*. Allowing myself to feel all the feelings is a
cathartic release, its immensely satisfying and I always
sleep so well afterwards.
It turns out there are many reasons why crying feels
so good.
Our bodies contain a series of interwoven systems
set up with the express purpose of helping us to cry.
The part of your brain that deals specifically with
emotions is called the limbic system; this is intrinsically
linked to your sympathetic nervous system (producing
involuntary responses like goosebumps, dilated pupils
and a lump in your throat); and both your emotions
and body sensations are woven into the lacrimal or
‘tear’ system that stimulates crying.
This complex set-up is precisely
organised to help us feel emotions
like stress, joy, grief as
well as physical pain. It’s
super important for our
mental health and physical
equilibrium; our tears even
contain a natural painkiller
- leucine enkephalin – that
helps to restore us after
a good long cry.
But of course crying is
not just an involuntary
physical response to
our emotions. The
experience of crying has deep
psychological benefits too.
Tears are our gateway into
vulnerability, empathy and
connection with others. Crying
is one of the first behaviours we
learn as infants to ask someone
to notice us, attend to our needs
and offer comfort. We learn how
good it feels when we receive care from someone else,
helping us connect with others.
When you cry in front of someone else, it signals to
them that you’re willing to show them your vulnerable
side. Typically humans are only willing to show
emotion in front of people they trust, so when you cry
amongst friends, lovers and family members, you are
strengthening your bond with them.
When you witness someone crying, it’s likely that
your first response is to want to help them. You may
even find yourself moved to tears by someone else’s
pain and suffering.
But sometimes, being there for
someone you care about can feel
awkward and embarrassing; you might
even feel impatient for it to be over. Usually
this is because you want to fix something
that is not yours to fix.
But don’t worry that you don’t know what
to say, because there is no one right thing you
can say that will stop someone from feeling. Just
be honest: “I’m not sure what to say or do, but I’m
here”. These are powerful, freeing words that convey
your willingness to be present with your loved one.
Sometimes we want to be the helper or the hero that
comes up with the magical answer. But sitting there
with compassion is enough – you can trust the other
person to be with their emotions.
Equally, we can experience tears of joy when good
things happen to the people we love. If you are always
packing waterproof mascara when you go to weddings,
this is likely to be a measure of your empathy as well as
your good planning!
We may also feel the sting of tears when we hurt
others. Feeling remorse and guilt are often emotions
that indicate how connected as well as how distressedTears are our gateway into
vulnerability, empathy and
connection with others. Crying
is one of the first behaviours
we learn as infants to ask
someone to offer comfort.23