we feel; that our words or actions may have put
a relationship at risk.
Crying alone is also a very healthy practice.
It means you are learning not to numb emotions
you might perceive as negative. When we deny or
distract ourselves from feeling selective feelings,
we inadvertently numb our ability to access the full
spectrum of our emotions. So allowing yourself to
cry makes room for you to experience joy, fulfillment,
excitement and all the emotions you are meant for.
Embracing your tears is also helpful for learning
to spot the difference between a healthy cry and an
unhealthy one. Self-pity, envy and perfectionism can
set off tears of frustration and blame that are unlikely to
create the natural soothing effect of crying.
One of the key benefits of crying is accepting how
you are feeling and being ok with that. But for some
of us, letting our tears f low can feel like a different
country – somewhere we have no idea how to get to.
If you are disconnected from your emotions, or have
become practised in suppressing your feelings for a long
time, it can feel overwhelming, disorienting and even
unsafe to allow yourself the space to cry.
I like to think about emotional intelligence as like
learning a new language, it’s going to take some time
and patience and it helps to start with simple words
and phrases. In the language of emotions, this means
beginning with naming and exploring the emotions
that feel more comfortable to you, and slowly workingyour way into the more uncomfortable ones.
Remember your body contains a whole series of
complex systems working at all times to help you
process your feelings. The invitation is to slow down
and get curious and ask yourself: how does this feel
in my body?
Don’t be ashamed of the intensity of your emotion.
Even if you don’t always know what you are feeling
or why. If your excitement, grief, sadness or joy feels
a little wild, you can give it a safe place to live, just by
being with it.
Just being interested in learning about your emotions,
means you are creating the space to feel them, to allow
your body’s natural intelligence to help your emotions
(and tears) f low through you.
American essayist Washington Irving said: “There
is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of
weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently
than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers
of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of
unspeakable love.”
Crying softens, soothes and rejuvenates us; we get
to connect to our emotions, our experiences, our loved
ones, our humanity. They are also scientifically proven
to make you feel better. So create your Sad Bangers
playlist, stay in with a sad movie and let your tears f low!
*My top five ugly-cry movies are these: The Way
We Were, Carol, Marley and Me, The Colour Purple,
and Seven Pounds.Don’t be ashamed of the intensity of your
emotion. Even if you don’t always know
what you are feeling or why. If your
excitement, grief, sadness or joy feels
a little wild, you can give it a safe
place to live, just by being with it.Sas Petherick is a self-doubt researcher,
coach and host of the Courage + Spice
Podcast. Sas helps you move from
understanding the root causes of your self-
doubt to cultivating tangible, sustainable
self-belief. Uncover your self-doubt
archetype at http://www.saspetherick.com24