88 SPORTS ILLUSTRATED
Her boyfriend—who had been carrying a ring,
intending to propose later that day—didn’t blame
the guides. “They tried to save her, and I am forever
grateful,” he told the Telluride Daily Planet. Hilaree
was less forgiving of herself.
Death came with the territory in her line of work.
This was different, though. This was Telluride,
not Machu Picchu. A two-foot stream jump, not a
high-altitude descent. She couldn’t let it go. Guilt.
Regret. Then, rage. “I lost my s--- for a long time,”
she says. Her temper flared. She threw furniture,
broke her foot kicking a chair. Panic attacks de-
scended. She took Xanax. Drank too much. Tried
EMDR. Swallowed Ambien in hopes of sleep that
refused to come. Her marriage began to crumble.
She tried a break from climbing and guiding. That
only made her feel worse, though. She was adrift,
unsure of herself.
FOR THE FUNERAL,
Morrison prepared a few words.
“I don’t really have a purpose anymore,” he told
mourners four days after the crash. “I can either
take my own life or I can live life in their honor. I
don’t think the first will make them proud of me.
So I’ve decided to do the second.”
In the weeks after, Morrison looped. One mo-
ment he’d be doing laundry, the next on the floor,
curled up, crying. Walking to the top of the drive-
way felt like a monumental accomplishment.
He became consumed with figuring out what
occurred, badgering the FAA for details and hiring
a specialist to use computer modeling to re-create
the crash. He persuaded a friend to ride shotgun
while he flew a Cessna on the same route. They
found the wreck site. It provided certainty, if not
closure. The NTSB’s final accident report read,
“The investigation was unable to determine the
specific reasons for the loss of control and result-
ing aerodynamic spin.”
Being home only exacerbated his grief. The
house felt enormous. Cody stationed himself at
the end of the hallway, refusing to budge until his
family came home. The dog died a year later. Jim
believes he never really recovered.
Morrison tried one therapist, then another, then
a life coach. He talked with author Eckhart Tolle,
after listening to his book The Power of Now. Tol le
told him he didn’t have to “get over” the loss—like
a backpack, you put it on and take it with you.
He tried. As long as Morrison kept moving, he
found, he could cope. In 2013 he climbed Ama
Dablam in Nepal. Two years later he signed on
with a group to try the first ski descent of Makalu,
the fifth-highest mountain in the world, near the
border of Nepal, China and Tibet. Two of the climb-
ers who made the attempt he knew. The third he
had never met, though he remembered her from
the podium, years before in Chamonix.
WHE N NE L S O N
arrived for the Makalu expedition, her marriage,
career and confidence were all cratering. She hadn’t
slept a full night since the guiding accident. A year
earlier she had led a team on a failed attempt to
become the first to summit and document Hkakabo
Razi in Burma, the highest peak in Southeast Asia.
Now she was in Nepal, hoping the trip would
provide equilibrium. As they ascended, the quartet
spent long days at a series of base camps, adjust-
ing to the altitude. They passed time by playing
cards and watching movies. Forced proximity can
create friction or fast-track friendships. The latter
occurred. One afternoon, while watching Castaway
on an iPad inside a tent, Morrison broke down. He
saw himself in the film: a man forced to cast away
everything from his life, until nothing remained.
He thought of Katie, and the kids. He began cry-
ing and then talking, telling Nelson—practically
a stranger—the story of the accident and the years
after. How he blamed himself. How he felt guilty
that he was alive. Nelson sat there, she recalls,
“trying not to insert myself, just to listen.”
They never made the summit of Makalu, thwarted
by the threat of avalanches. Still, the group made
for a good team. At the end of the trip they vowed
to reunite for another expedition. Something epic.
Something unprecedented.
One peak in particular fascinated them, visible
in the distance during their climb: Lhotse.
A YEAR PASSED.
The trip never materialized. Life intervened.
Shortly after Makalu, Nelson’s marriage, long
imperiled, ended. It was no time to take on epic
adventures. She now split custody. She was entering
her 40s with two kids, in a punishing, unstable
vocation that required elite fitness.
She decided to take a year off from major trips.
To keep in shape, she began running seriously for
the first time, finishing an Ironman and an ultra-
marathon. She climbed her first big wall, found
some sort of groove. One morning she awoke and
realized she’d slept through the night.
She also kept in touch with Morrison. They
made good training partners. Each abided little
crap. Each could go all day and still have fuel
left in the tank. Each understood and respected
risks, and knew loss. Both loved the puzzle of
planning a trip. Hilaree also felt drawn to Jim’s
confidence and positivity. As she explains: “It
sounds simplified, but his thing is, Yes. Yes, we
COU
RTESY O
F JAM
ES M
ORRISO
N
L O V E A ND
LHOTSE
