42 new york | december 23, 2019–january 5, 2020
It’s Okay
to Let
Them
Watch TV.
Really.
Anya Kamenetz, author
of The Art of Screen
Time and an education
reporter for NPR,
explains the latest
social science.How Much
Are Kids
Watching?
One survey found children
under 8 average one hour
and 40 minutes a day. For
those ages 8 to 12, it’s two
and a half hours. But parents
might be fudging. In 2015,
Nielsen, using a meter, found
that children ages 2 to 11
averaged 3.9 hours per day.Sarah Domoff, a psychologist and
director of the Family Health Lab
at Central Michigan University,
and her colleagues have created
a nine-item questionnaire for
parents: Are your kids preoccupied
with TV? Are they always
scheming to get more? Does it
interfere with friendships, family
time, or schoolwork? If this sets
off alarm bells, Domoff suggests
talking to your pediatrician
or a child psychologist, as well
as the obvious: playing more
with your child.How Much
Is Too Much?
uncommonly witty design. And while the
review notes that it will “delight viewers of
all ages,” that mild clause understates
what a rare, impressive achievement it is
for a children’s show to be equally engag-
ing for toddlers, grade-schoolers, and par-
ents. The “Is It Any Good?” review of
Wonder Park explains that the movie is
“darker” and “more intense” than kids
might expect. It doesn’t mention that the
movie is also quite bad.W
HAT I’M MOST struck by,
after diving deep into the
language and structure of
Common Sense’s ratings,
is the irreconcilable gap between my critic
brain and my parent brain. My critic brain
tells me all of this is absurd. We all know
that some small group of real people is be-
hind the decision that Frozen 2 be desig-
nated as 6-plus and that such a decision is
a qualitative one, not just quantitative. And
especially when the ratings feel, if not con-
servative, then at least cautious, Common
Sense’s insistence on blurring the distinc-
tion between a human response and an
authoritative measurement sends up red
flares of warning. It almost offends me, or
at least the part of me that writes reviews
myself, the me that struggles weekly to bal-
ance my own response to a TV show with
what I imagine other viewers might feel.
It does not offend my parent brain. My
parent brain does not care about discus-
sions like “How should a critic respond to
art when ultimately all experiences are
subjective?” My parent brain values cer-
tainty and safety, and it appreciates rec-
ommendations from adults who have
already watched the best Minecraft Yo u -
Tube channels and point me toward the
ones that won’t terrify or red-pill my chil-
dren. When my now 5-year-old came
home one day mysteriously implanted
with the desire to watch “anything on Dis-
ney+,” I quickly found the relevant list on
Common Sense Media and steered her
away from LEGO Star Wars (7-plus) but
decided Spider-Man and His Amazing
Friends was probably fine (6-plus).
This is also what lots of Common Sense
users say. Teachers told me they use it to
make a video that will be okay for every
kid in the class from all kinds of back-
grounds. Parents of children with autism
told me they use it to screen for specific
content they know will upset their kids.
Parents told me they ignore the ratings
and just read the comments. Parents told
me they ignore the comments and just use
the ratings. They also told me stories of
failing to check Common Sense Media at
their peril and of older children who
started using Common Sense Media toargue the case for why they should be
allowed to watch something. TV critic
Alan Sepinwall told me that, in his family,
his wife tends to consult Common Sense
Media as a tiebreaker when figuring out
what’s okay for the kids to watch, even
though, like me, filtering for quality TV
content is his job. The reality is that kids
are just as inundated by Peak TV as adults
are. Common Sense Media is the best
option for exhausted, overextended, con-
fused parents wondering what the hell is
up with Forky Asks a Question.
Since the 19th century at least, chil-
dren’s literature has been shaped by the
idea that books for kids should be good
for them and improve their moral char-
acter. It took time for children’s fiction to
adopt the idea that it could also be enter-
taining. The history of kids’ TV and mov-
ies has been the reverse arc, starting
from a baseline promise to be something
to occupy and entertain your children
and possibly also teach them the alpha-
bet. The idea that TV could instill values
is a relatively recent one, and only in the
past few decades has there been enough
variety in children’s TV programming
that parents can choose the titles that
reflect the world we want kids to aspire
to and be inspired by.
There are things I don’t want my kids
to see yet, but there are also lots of things
I want TV to show them: unusual ani-
mals, different places around the world,
kids cooperating with one another, char-
acters overcoming obstacles. Especially
now that there’s so much children’s media
available, I find myself longing for the
kind of personal, critical voice Common
Sense so studiously avoids. I want to know
not just if there are strong female charac-
ters but also if a show is beautiful, if it’s
innovative, if it has a thoughtful aesthetic,
what its sense of humor is like.
In other words, TV for children can be
both good for them and good. And these
days, parents have not only enough
choices but enough control over what
their children watch to aim higher. What
they still don’t have are the countless
hours necessary to wade through the
ocean of children’s programming for the
few gems. So we took it upon ourselves to
try, applying the sensibilities of Vulture’s
critics and contributors to programming
aimed at young children, mostly 3- to
7-year-olds, with a few notable shout-outs
for older kids. (Please don’t take what fol-
lows as a recommendation to show
Stranger Things to your kindergartner.)
Some of these shows are good enough
that you might even form a shared televi-
sion interest, and at the very least, we
have your next long car trip covered. ■TRANSMITTED TRANSMITTED
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december 23, 2019–january 5, 2020 | new york 43
yV.Should I Make Rules?
Yes. “Restrictive mediation—
setting limits on content
and time—is associated with
a lot of positive outcomes,” says
Domoff. Of course, this positive
association may emerge in the
data because it’s something
conscientious parents with
money and time tend to do.What Should the Rules Be?
Consider your kids’ ages, development, and family dynamics.
Time limits are both more appropriate and easier to enforce at younger
ages. Domoff and other experts say it makes the most sense
to work backward from your other goals as a family: No screens an
hour before bedtime because they interfere with sleep, no screens at
meals because they interfere with mindful eating and family
conversation, screens only when homework is done and the kids have
already played outside. This could mean two hours a week
or two hours a day, and either could be fine.Is It Bad to
Use Media Time
As a Reward
or Punishment?
It’s probably not ideal. “Just as
we wouldn’t want to use food
as a reward, we don’t ideally tie
behavior and compliance to
screens,” says Domoff. You want
to have better tools in your kit,
like praise and time-outs
for younger kids.Maybe it’s scary, maybe it’s
violent or offensive. The answer
is the same: “T alk to them,” says
Dr. Michael Rich of the Center
on Media and Child Health at
Boston Children’s Hospital. “And
listen to them even more than
you talk.” In fact, we should be
having an ongoing regular
conversation with our kids
about what they’re watching.
“All media is educational,”
Rich says, not just Sesame
Street. Kids are taking cues on
what’s appropriate or expected behavior. So ideally, we are helping
children understand, in an age- appropriate way, that media is a
selective, skewed representation of reality. ¶ Don’t beat yourself
up too much if your kids get nightmares from something they
watched. If they saw something on the news, show them on a
map how far away it is. Hurricane or kidnapping? Emphasize
how rare it is. Zombies? Remind them that they’re make-believe.Most children have seen sexually explicit material online by the time
they’re 13. “I encourage parents and kids to be open about it,” says Rich,
“not to pretend it’s not there.” Let your kids know that they can come to
you and they won’t get in trouble. As they get older, explain how images of
sex online do not reflect real life and can make relationships less satisfying.If I’m Too Restrictive, Will It Backfire?
“I advise against doing anything very drastic with screen time,” says Domoff.
The reason: If you ban screen media entirely from your home, you are denying kids
the opportunity to learn to self- regulate. The American Academy of Pediatrics would still
prefer that the only screen exposure for children under 2 come from video chatting.
But for older kids, the ideal is that parents are around to help them interpret what
they watch and to frame TV and videos as a “sometimes activity.”WHAT ONE FAMILY THERAPIST SAYS: “My 7-year-old enjoys watching YouTube, but she is only allowed to watch the ‘how to’ shows, which teaches furniture-making, doll clothes, etc. A lot of the YouTube family(^) shows
(^) have
(^) values
(^) that
(^) are
(^) not
(^) always
(^) in
(^) line
(^) with
(^) ours.”
(^) —L
ATOYA
(^) B
OSTON
What If
They Have
a Tantrum
When
I Turn It
Off?
What
About
Porn?
What
If Your
Kids See
Something
They
Shouldn’t?
Media is very
stimulating, and when
you yank the stimulus
away, kids need
something to do with
all that cortisol or
adrenaline. Often, the
reaction is explosive.
Domoff coaches
parents this way:
Give a clear limit
beforehand, give them
a five-minute
warning, then, “Okay,
time to shut off the
tablet.” Afterward,
praise compliance and
have an activity lined
up. Preferably, it’s one
that includes positive
attention and
your focus.
How to
Avoid the
YouTube
Horror
Show
FOR REGULAR YOUTUBE
(^1) Turn on “restricted mode.” This filter is not 100 percent
effective, but it’s better than nothing.
(^2) Subscribe to channels you trust. By doing this, you can show
YouTube’s algorithm the kinds of content you want to be shown.
3 Check your “watch history” and remove anything
problematic. This history also allows you to see what your child
has been watching so you can discuss it with them.
(^4) Turn off “autoplay. ”
FOR YOUTUBE KIDS
(^1) Select the “approve yourself” option so they
won’t be able to search for any content you don’t select.
(^2) Set passwords for each child’s account so
your 3-year-old can’t get into videos you’ve picked for
your 10-year-old.
(^3) Set a time limit. YouTube Kids will give your
child the boot after they’ve burned through their
allotted screen time for that day.
Illustrations by Cachetejack
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2619FEA_KidsTV_lay [Print]_36339551.indd 43 12/17/19 10:19 PM
december23,2019–january5, 2020 | newyork 43
Should I Make Rules?
Yes. “Restrictive mediation—
setting limits on content
and time—is associated with
a lot of positive outcomes,” says
Domoff. Of course, this positive
association may emerge in the
data because it’s something
conscientious parents with
money and time tend to do.
What Should the Rules Be?
Consideryourkids’ages,development,andfamilydynamics.
Timelimitsarebothmoreappropriateandeasiertoenforceatyounger
ages.Domoffandotherexpertssayit makesthemostsense
toworkbackwardfromyourothergoalsasa family:Noscreensan
hourbeforebedtimebecausetheyinterferewithsleep,noscreensat
mealsbecausetheyinterferewithmindfuleatingandfamily
conversation,screensonlywhenhomeworkis doneandthekidshave
alreadyplayedoutside.Thiscouldmeantwohoursa week
ortwohoursa day,andeithercouldbefine.
Is It Bad to
Use Media Time
As a Reward
or Punishment?
It’sprobablynotideal.“Justas
wewouldn’t wanttousefood
asa reward,wedon’t ideallytie
behaviorandcomplianceto
screens,”saysDomoff.Youwant
tohavebettertoolsinyourkit,
likepraiseandtime-outs
foryoungerkids.
Maybeit’sscary,maybeit’s
violentoroffensive.Theanswer
is thesame:“T alktothem,”says
Dr.MichaelRichof theCenter
onMediaandChildHealthat
BostonChildren’sHospital.“And
listentothemevenmorethan
youtalk.”Infact,weshouldbe
havinganongoingregular
conversationwithourkids
aboutwhatthey’rewatching.
“Allmediais educational,”
Richsays,notjustSesame
Street.Kidsaretakingcueson
what’sappropriateorexpectedbehavior. Soideally, wearehelping
childrenunderstand,inanage-appropriateway,thatmediais a
selective,skewedrepresentationof reality. ¶ Don’tbeatyourself
uptoomuchif yourkidsgetnightmaresfromsomethingthey
watched.If theysawsomethingonthenews,showthemona
maphowfarawayit is.Hurricaneorkidnapping?Emphasize
howrareit is.Zombies?Remindthemthatthey’remake-believe.
Mostchildrenhaveseensexuallyexplicitmaterialonlinebythetime
they’re13.“I encourageparentsandkidstobeopenaboutit,”saysRich,
“nottopretendit’snotthere.”Letyourkidsknowthattheycancometo
youandtheywon’tgetintrouble.Astheygetolder, explainhowimagesof
sexonlinedonotreflectreallifeandcanmake relationshipslesssatisfying.
If I’m Too Restrictive,Will It Backfire?
“I advise against doing anything very drasticwithscreentime,”saysDomoff.
The reason: If you ban screen media entirely fromyourhome,youaredenyingkids
the opportunity to learn to self- regulate. The AmericanAcademyof Pediatricswouldstill
prefer that the only screen exposure for childrenunder2 comefromvideochatting.
But for older kids, the ideal is that parents are aroundtohelptheminterpretwhat
they watch and to frame TV and videosasa “sometimesactivity.”
WHAT ONE FAMILY THERAPIST SAYS: “My 7-year-old enjoys watching YouTube, but she is only allowed to watch the ‘how to’ shows, which teaches furniture-making, doll clothes, etc. A lot of the YouTube family
shows
have
values
that
are
not
always
in
line
with
ours.”
—L
ATOYA
BOSTON
What If
They Have
a Tantrum
When
I TurnIt
Off?
What
About
Porn?
What
If Your
Kids See
Something
They
Shouldn’t?
Media is very
stimulating, and when
you yank the stimulus
away, kids need
something to do with
all that cortisol or
adrenaline. Often, the
reaction is explosive.
Domoff coaches
parents this way:
Give a clear limit
beforehand, give them
a five-minute
warning, then, “Okay,
time to shut off the
tablet.” Afterward,
praise compliance and
have an activity lined
up. Preferably, it’s one
that includes positive
attention and
your focus.
How to
Avoid the
YouTube
Horror
Show
FORREGULARYOUTUBE
(^1) Turnon“restrictedmode.”Thisfilteris not 100 percent
effective,butit’sbetterthannothing.
(^2) Subscribetochannelsyoutrust.Bydoingthis,youcanshow
YouTube’salgorithmthekindsofcontentyouwanttobeshown.
3 Checkyour“watchhistory”andremoveanything
problematic.Thishistoryalsoallowsyoutoseewhatyourchild
hasbeenwatchingsoyoucandiscussit withthem.
(^4) Turn off “autoplay. ”
FORYOUTUBEKIDS
(^1) Selectthe“approveyourself”optionsothey
won’tbeabletosearchforanycontentyoudon’t select.
(^2) Set passwords for each child’s account so
your3-year-oldcan’t getintovideosyou’vepickedfor
your10-year-old.
(^3) Set a time limit. YouTube Kids will give your
child the boot after they’ve burned through their
allotted screen time for that day.
Illustrations by Cachetejack