44 | New Scientist | 21/28 December 2019C
ONVERSATION should be like juggling,”
wrote Evelyn Waugh in Brideshead
Revisited. “Up go the balls and the plates,
up and over, in and out, good solid objects that
glitter in the footlights and fall with a bang if
you miss them.”
How many of us feel that we regularlymanage those acrobatics with aplomb?
Whether it is the work Christmas party or a
family gathering, the holiday season forces
even the most unsociable of us to leave our
shells and make small talk. Particularly when
we are meeting new people, many of us leave
conversations with the distinct feeling thatwe could have made a better impression.
If that sounds familiar to you, I have
two pieces of good news. The first is that
the reality is unlikely to be bad as your fears,
with studies showing that we consistently
underestimate how well we are perceived by
others, a phenomenon called the “liking gap”.
The second is that psychological research
can offer us some definitive tips on the art
of conversation. From the etiquette of eye
contact or how much personal space is
appropriate, to the most tactful way to make
an exit should the conversation go south,
these findings will help you to present your
best self at any social occasion.Close encounters
If you want to make a better first impression,
one of the most important things to
understand is that your words matter less than
the general backdrop of feelings you and your“
David Robson gives a science-based masterclass
in conversation at this most social time of year
Big tips for
small talk
GIACOMOGAMBINER