New York Magazine - USA (2020-02-17)

february17–march1, 2020 | newyork 45

In 20 16,JessicaHelfand,anauthoranda founderofthewebsite

DesignObserver, wasinvitedtoteachat YaleSchoolofManage-

ment.Theideawasthat Helfandcouldinstructgradstudentsinthe

artofcreativethinking,whichthey couldthenusetostartcompa-

niesandmakemoney. Sheimmediatelydevelopeda contact allergy

tothewayherstudentsspoke. “It startedthefirstweekI wasthere.

Afterthelecture,a studentsaid,‘Well,my takeawayis ...,’and

I thought,‘Takeaway’is whatyoudowithfoodinLondon.Maybe

insteadofa takeaway,youcouldsitwiththeideasfora whileand

just...think.” Helfandcompileda list ofcommonlybandied-about

wordsanddividedthemintocategorieslike HyphenatedMash-ups

(omni-channel,level-setting,business-critical), CompoundPhrases

(emailblast,integrateddeck,painpoint,deepdive) andConceptual

Hybrids(“shooting”someoneanemail,“looping”someonein).All

ofthesewerephraseswith“aspirationalauthority,”shetoldme.“If

you’re ina meetingandyou’rea 20-somethingandyouwantto

soundintheknow,you’regoingtousethosewords.”It droveHel-

fandnuts.Thiswasn’t a teachingposition;it wasa deprogramming

job.Sheleft beforethecontractwasup.

Theproblemwiththesewordsisn’t onlytheirfloatingcapacity

toenrage buttheircontaminatingquality. Onceyouheara word,

it’ s “in” you.It haspenetratedyourearsandenteredyourbrain,

fromwhichit can’t beselectivelyremoved.Sometimesa phrase

willpopintomyheadthat I haven’theard inyears—holisticroad

map—andI willfeelasif someonejust toldmethat inJuly 20 16,

I atea bowlofsoupthat containeda booger.I’movercomewith

aversion;I’mtoolatetodoanything.

Thishintsat thefutility ofwritingaboutirritatingwords.Usage

peevesare alwaysarbitraryandoftendependasmuchonwhois

sayingsomethingasonwhat is beingsaid.WhenMeganspoke

about“business-criticalasks”and“high-levelintegrateddecks,”

I heard“I amusingmeaninglesswordsandforcingyoutoact like

youunderstandthem.” Whenaninternsaidthesamething,I heard

someoneheroicallystrugglingtocommunicate inthelocaldialect.

I hatecertainwordspartlybecauseofthepeoplewhousethem;

I can’t helpbutequatelinguisticmisdemeanorswithcrimesofthe

soul.Nietzsche’sOnTruthandLieinanExtra-MoralSensemakes

swift,excoriatingworkoflanguage asa whole,butit exactlypre-

dictstheextravagantinanity ofgarbage language:

A mobilearmyofmetaphors,metonyms,andanthropomorphisms—

inshort,a sumofhumanrelationswhichhavebeenenhanced,

transposed,andembellishedpoeticallyandrhetorically,

andwhichafterlonguseseemfirm,canonical,andobligatory

toa people:truthsareillusionsaboutwhichonehasforgotten

thatthisis what they are; metaphorswhichare wornout

andwithoutsensuouspower;coinswhichhavelost theirpictures

andnowmatteronlyasmetal,nolongerascoins.

He proposed(I’d argue)that wejust giveuponfunctionalspeech

altogether—dropthecharadethat ourpersonalrealitiesshare

a commonlanguage.Choosingtospeakpoetically(bywhichhe

meantintentionallycallingthingswhatthey are not)washisironic

solution.Language is alwaysa matterofintention.No twopeople

couldhavelessincommonthanwhenthey are sayingthesame

thing,onesincerelyandonewithsnark.Andso withevery

ex change,youhavetoacknowledge a realitywhere wordslike

optionalityanddeliverablecouldbejust assolidasblimpand

pretzel.What happensif youaska Meganora StephKoreyoran

AdamNeumannwhat they mean?I imaginea boxwitha series

offalsebottoms;youjust keepfallingdeeperanddeeperintogib-

berish.Themeaningfulthreatofgarbage language—thereasonit

is notjustannoyingbutmalevolent—isthat it confirmsdelusion

asanassetintheworkplace. ■

self-marketing asset as much

back to ourselves.

Do you have

the bandwidth to drill

down on this?

I’ll block out a

touchbase on my cal,

and we’ll figure out how

to operationalize.