78 COSMOPOLITAN SEPTEMBER 2017 FOR MORE GREAT STORIES, VISIT COSMO.INBring
Fantasy
Into Your
Sex Life
Those private daydreams you have? Revealing
them to your partner can be daunting, but doing
so can amp up the excitement and deepen your
bond... By Esther Perel“I
once had a female client
say to me, ‘Oh, no, I don’t
fantasise. That’s a guy
thing. My husband does—he talks
about wanting to have a threesome,
but I don’t want anything like that.’
I then asked her what she’d like her
husband to do to her before sex,
and she admitted she’d love it if he
would run his fingers through her
hair, touch her neck gently, stroke
her down the back of her leg...all
that, instead of going straight for
her boobs. I replied, ‘And you think
you don’t have fantasies?!’
Sure, imagining how you want
to be held, touched, or looked at
may not fit your classic definition
of a sexual fantasy—most people
envision role-playing or Fifty
Shades-style BDSM. But just
because there are no masks or
pretending involved, your wishes
still count! A fantasy is anything
that brings poetry and meaning to
sex—whether it’s with a partner or
on your own—and heightens your
excitement and pleasure. It makes
you feel desirable, and that makes
for better sex.
Although, as fun as it can be to
revel in arousing thoughts when
you’re by yourself, it can be scary
to discuss them with someone
else. They are so private, andlove & lust