FOR MORE GREAT STORIES, VISIT COSMO.IN APRIL 2018 COSMOPOLITAN 83

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Move Forward Together

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ASSESS THEIR NEW VIBE

Sleuth around early in your re-up to

see if your ex’s infuriating habits are

ancient history. “Ask about these things

in regard to behaviour with friends and

family,” says Ty. For instance, if they

were annoyingly self-centred before,

ask, ‘How’s your family doing?’ If you

can sense newfound awareness, that’s

a good sign.

At this point, you may decide to go

for it and dive back in. Get it, girl! But

in order to make this glorious reunion

stick, you have to be willing to let some

things slide—like who or what both of

you did while you were single, swiping,

and on the prowl for someone else.

“It’s natural to wonder about whether

an ex dated or had sex with other

people, but before interrogating them,

ask yourself, what good will that do?”

advises Ty. “If it’s simply to satisfy an

impulsive curiosity, don’t ask. Little

good comes out of torturous history

lessons about your partner’s extra-

relationship activities.”

Instead, make a pact with each other

to start anew and forgive moments

from the past (when you were together

and, as Ross from Friends would say,

when “we were on a break!”). Then

make it a high priority to discuss

what you’ve learned from assessing

why your first attempt at harmonious

coupledom crashed and burned. Share

what you hope will change this time,

and set clear-cut expectations for what

a healthy partnership between you two

looks like.

Laying groundwork that makes your

connection feel brand spankin‘ new—

even though it’s familiar—will help your

second chapter feel sparkly and clean,

like a total romantic reset. And if you’ve

made it this far, your reignited flame will

burn bright AF. n

No duh, you broke up for a

reason. Consider if those

same problems will prevent

you from making it work

now. Start with the clear-

cut no-nos: “If your partner

was abusive or a serial

cheater, then 99 percent of

time, avoid rekindling the

flame,” says Ty. “People’s

personalities remain

remarkably consistent.

Someone who is cruel and

emotionally unstable at age

22 will be the same at 42.”

But if you dumped your ex

because he was immature,

he might have grown up

since. Or if you drifted apart

due to distance, different

conditions now could mean

it’s worth another try.

Ask, Is It

Worth it?

Nearly 44 percent of people say they’ve had sex with an ex, according to a survey from sex-toy company Adam & Eve. But

sometimes crawling back into the same bed is an awful idea. Here, four times you shouldn’t revisit that passion.

EX-SEX IS A BAD IDEA WHEN...

YOU’RE NOT TOTALLY

OVER THEM

Lingering emotional

attachments might make it

even harder to let go.

THEY ONLY WANT

TO BONE

That’s a sign you’re being

used for sexual access (and

without respect).

YOU’RE DOING IT OUT OF

SPITE OR TO GET BACK

AT THEM FOR

SOMETHING

That’s just petty.

YOU’VE BEEN SWIPING

FOR WEEKS AND THE

OPTIONS ARE LAME

Don’t worry—keep trying

elsewhere!

DO YOU FOR A WHILE

If your split is supa-dupa fresh, odds

are, you’re missing bae like crazy. But

it’s crucial to give yourself time alone to

recuperate from the relationship-ending

blow. So, hang with your BFFs. Take a

bunch of splurge-y workout classes. Go

on dates with people who are totally

different from Ex-y McExerson. In short:

get over them!

That might seem counter-intuitive, but

research shows that working through

the difficulties of a nasty split on your

own can help you experience personal

growth. “When you are still stinging from

a breakup, be cautious about getting

back together with your ex, because

that risks ripping open partially healed

wounds,” says relationship expert Ty

Tashiro, PhD, author of Awkward.

If you reconcile right away, you’ll deal

with the same BS that irked you before.

But if you put in the solo time and work,

then if/when you two do reconnect,

both of you will have more self-reliance

and clearer ideas of what you want in a

romantic partner.

Also, look at what else is going

on in their life. “People are often

reluctant to commit if other parts

of ‘grown-up’ life, like a job and

finances, aren’t in place,” says

Sarah. If your ex was in a rough

sitch during your first rodeo but is

secure now, they may be more

willing to give you their all. If not,

back away slowly.