FOR MORE GREAT STORIES, VISIT COSMO.IN APRIL 2018 COSMOPOLITAN 97WHY THE CRY?
“Tears are like
the ‘check engine’
light on your car
dashboard. Next
time you feel them
coming on or
slipping out, pay
attention,” advises
Anne. “Most women
who cry at work
aren’t doing so
because they’re sad.
Really, they’re angry
and frustrated.” If
you can manage
to pause in the
moment and ID
the reason for the
waterworks, it can
help you come up
with constructive
ways to rebound
faster and get
back to being a
hundred at work.
So ask yourself key
questions: do you
feel disrespected?
Are you not being
given the right
resources to do your
job? Is someone on
your team always
taking credit for
your work? Then
find a way to address
the issue, whether
that means having
a candid convo
with the HBIC
about your needs
or confronting
that credit hog.
Hopefully, this
approach will quell
your anger and stem
the tide of tears
right then or the
next time around.WHEN TO BOLT
While crying is
becoming more
acceptable in certain
workplaces, the
(sucky) truth is that
in plenty of jobs,
it’s still a no-no. So
while your red eyes
aren’t shameful, says
Anne, emotions are
contagious, and in
order to be seen as
a kick*ss coworker,
you need to be
courteous to yourcolleagues. (After
all, if someone
next to you was
constantly weeping,
you’d probably feel
distracted too.)
So a good rule of
thumb: a few tears,
it’s okay to stay
put. But if you’re
sobbing like you’re
in a telenovela, findprivacy stat—head
to a bathroom stall
(feet up, so peeps
don’t recognise
your shoes) or the
stairwell, or take a
quick walk.TALK IT OUT
Old-school thinking
dictates that
emotions should
be left out of the
workplace, but
a more evolved
perspective suggests
that being honest
about your feels
shows integrity,
self-awareness, and
authenticity, which
give you major ups
in any situation. (We
like that!). So if your
co-worker finds you
blotting your face,
don’t wait for them“At my first job, I had a
meeting with a partner
about a project. I was intimidated
by his demeanour and too scared to
ask a question. I went back to my
office and cried. I had the rule: there is
no crying in love...or law. But now that
I’ve had leadership roles, I’ve
evolved—crying is an acceptable
outlet for frustration and fear.”
—MEGHA A., 30“I founded a company
last year, and I’ve cried in
front of my team. After the tears
came in a meeting, I was worried I’d
be seen as less of a leader. But in
hindsight, it showed an important and
authentic vulnerability. My team was able
to see I was human, but also that
building a company is scary,
intense, and emotional.”
—NIHARIKA G., 28“As a boss, I want
people to feel comfortable
expressing themselves. If
something is stressing you out to the
point of driving you to tears, I want to
know the full extent of the pressure so I
can try to fix it. If something in your
personal life is causing intense
emotions, I want people to share
that with me as well.”
—HEMAL S., 37to say something.
Own your
waterworks, whether
they’re personal or
professional. If your
reasons for tears are
intimate, no need
to share the gory
details, but a brief
version—‘I’m going
through a family
emergency’—will
stop your colleagues
from freaking if
you don’t answer
an e-mail ASAP.
Same goes for your
boss: fight the urge
to apologise, and
instead say, ‘I was
disturbed by X, Y, or
Z, and here’s why,”
advises Anne. A
smart, caring leader
will respect your
candor and view
you as someone
with high emotional
intelligence who’s
in tune with her
needs. Hell, if
things go well, this
initially awkward
moment might bring
you closer to your
colleagues, earning
you on-the-job,
all-star status. nWE CRY MORE THAN MEN DO...IT’S SCIENCE!
Blame (at least some of) your tears on biology. Research shows that women
actually have different tear ducts than men. Say what?! Ours tend to be a bit
smaller and more shallow, so our tears spill over onto our cheeks more easily
than a man’s. This means that a guy and a gal can feel the exact same kind of
emotional distress, but the woman is more likely to shed tears, says Anne
Kreamer. Thanks a heap, science!