MYSTERIOUS WAYS | AUG/SEPT 2019 39
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“Jackie,” the voice said. It
had pulled me from a deep sleep.
I squinted out into the darkness
of my bedroom.
“Jackie.”
My husband was asleep beside
me. In front of me, I saw...myself.
I was interacting with someone, hav-
ing a wonderful conversation. I
couldn’t see the person’s face, but
the presence felt familiar.
“Jackie,” the voice said again.
Mom? It had been decades since
we spoke, but I’d recognize her
voice anywhere. Who can forget her
mother’s voice? As my eyes adjusted
to the darkness, I took in the scene.
I should have felt nervous during this
out-of-body experience. Instead I
felt peaceful and happy watching my-
self in my mom’s presence. I could
see the smile on my own face and
feel the joy radiating from Mom. As if
our souls were laughing together.
This version of my mother was not
the mom I knew. Far from it. It was
her but unburdened by anger. Full of
light and love. Even when I was a
little kid, I’d never seen her so free.
This was the mom I’d yearned for,
the version of Mom I always wishedshe could’ve been—not just for
my sake but for hers too. Our lives
would have been so different.
Then the vision faded. I fell back
into a deep, dreamless sleep. The
next morning, I told my husband
about the experience.
“What a nice dream,” he said.
“It felt like more than that,” I said
but couldn’t explain.
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strange it had been to experience
her like that. I hadn’t spoken to my
mother in 30 years. I’d had to make
a choice, and it was for the best—
for me and for my children.WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, Mom could
be wonderful. I can remember trips
to the zoo and summer evenings
spent stargazing in our backyard.
She was fun, the kind of mom
who’d pick you and your friends up
from the pizzeria at midnight, no
questions asked. All of that changed
once I left for college.
A month into my freshman year,
my parents divorced. Even though
Mom had initiated it, she did not
do well with the added responsibility
of being a single parent. It was likeBy Jackie O’Guin, ST. LOUIS, MISSOURIMy Last
Moment With
Mom