Reader’s Digest UK – August 2019

READER’S DIGEST

asked her what kind of grass seed she
wanted and after a short pause she
replied, “I'd like the kind with daisies
in it, please!” SYLVIA THOMPSON, Fife

I LEFT MY HUSBAND WITH OUR
3-YEAR-OLD daughter while I went
for an appointment.
When I got back she had been
playing tea parties with him.
“Look” he said “Isn't she cute?
She's even put water in the cups.”
Then he raised the saucer and cup to
his lips and drank some.
I waited until he'd finished before
asking him “Did you stop to think
that the only place she can reach
water from is the toilet?”
DEMI ROBERTS, Denbighshire

I HAD TO SMILE when my mother
scolded my bachelor brother for the
state of his flat and the fact that it
needed urgent cleaning.
His excuse was, “Every time I get
the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders.
And then I decide my house isn't that
dirty after all! MAXINE COOPER. London

MY DAUGHTER WAS MOANING

about her Science Teacher and how
she can’t keep up.
“I don’t always know what she
says,” she explained, “She can talk 50
per cent faster than I can listen”
AMIE YARDLEY, Cambridgeshire

MY BROTHER'S HOUSEKEEPER

recently went outside to dump the

rubbish bags in the bin and laid

them on the ground before doing so.

A man was cycling by and while her

back was turned, the man stopped

and picked up the prettiest of the

bags and cycled off with it. She

chased after him, shouting “Stop,

don’t open it!” but the man didn’t

turn back.

The neighbours came out and

asked why she was shouting to which

she explained, “the thief has stolen a

bag of used nappies!”

THIRUPURASUNDARI SHEEHY, London

MY DAD OFTEN TOOK A SHORT

CUT through the cemetery and one

night a couple of strange youths fell

into step beside him. Not sure of

their intentions, he said,

“Too scared to walk through on

your own, boys?” and without giving

them the chance to answer, he

added, “I felt just the same when I

was alive.”

Oddly enough, there was no reply.

MAGGIE COBBETT, Yorkshire

MY FRIEND TOLD ME she had been

acutely embarrassed by her husband's

behaviour at the bank earlier that day.

The couple were having a meeting

with one of the managers and it

wasn't going well.

“You should start treating me with

more respect” complained her

husband, “Or I will be forced to take

my overdraft to a nicer bank!”

GERI BURTON, Denbighshire

AUGUST 2019 • 131