Reader’s Digest UK – August 2019

LAUGH

Pet Peeves

Twitter users share

examples of their pets’

stranger behaviours...

@JesseHarp19: Each time

I change clothes, my dog

attacks me because he

thinks I’m a different person.

@NatalieWardius: My cat

will stand halfway in her

litterbox and look me

directly in the eye as she

pees on the carpet.

@WonderRxjr: Every time I

pull down the toaster, my

dog goes down with it.

When my toast comes out,

he jumps up and barks at it.

@JeffCoates: My dog once

sniffed the butt of a dog on TV.

@AmaliaHalpin: Everytime I

change clothes, my fish

stops swimming and just

stares at me until I’m done

@Ayad724: My cat wakes

me up at 3am, just so I’d

follow her downstairs and

watch her use the bathroom.

ELECTIONS ARE LIKE POLICE LINEUPS,

only with elections you pick the person before

they rob you and screw you. It’s like a game of

choose your mugger. SEEN ON REDDIT

TWO GRANDMOTHERS ARE DISCUSSING

their grandsons. One says, “My grandson has

such a wonderful way with words, every time

that he writes to me I find that I have to get out

the dictionary.”

“Mine has a wonderful way with words too,”

replies the other grandmother, “but every time

he writes to me I have to get out my cheque

book.” STEPHEN GEE, London

I LIVE IN LONDON BUT MY KIDS LIVE IN

Southampton. I’m surprised more people

don’t do it like this. Sending them to their

room is much more of a threat when it involves

hitch-hiking down the M3.

COMEDIAN LUKE TOULSON

I GOT INVOLVED WITH AN ANIMAL

charity recently and adopted a whale and a

monkey, which is all very well, but sooner or

later, I’m going to have to be the one who has to

explain to them why they don’t look like each

other. COMEDIAN MARK RESTUCCIA

MY WIFE IS ALWAYS TELLING ME THAT I

should be more spontaneous. I say: “Fine!

When?” COMEDIAN SUSAN CALMAN

CROSSWORD ANSWERS

Across: 4 Elbow, 9 Sunbeam, 10 Alamo, 11 Being, 12 Toughie, 13 Gruff, 14 Rural, 17 Throne,
18 Meteor, 19 Shoe, 20 Abduct, 22 Noggin, 25 Iraq, 26 Scheme, 29 Remote, 30 Isaac, 33 Soaks,
34 Learner, 36 Haifa, 37 Omega, 38 Steeple, 39 Primp.

Down: 1 Asst, 2 Enquired, 3 Mechanic, 4 Ember, 5 Briar, 6 Waggle, 7 Salute, 8 Conference,
15 Ushuaia, 16 Amen, 17 Transistor, 21 Ties, 23 Operates, 24 Grown-ups, 27 Heaven, 28 Mishap,
31 Alibi, 32 Clasp, 35 Reef.