(52) Hospitality, Food & Wine, Monthly

E

ver had any of the

following as part of your

day at home, at work,

socializing with friends,

or meeting a stranger?

You know, had a quarrel, disagreement,

squabble, fight, dispute, difference of

opinion, wrangle, altercation, war of

words, exchange of views, clash or

feud? If your answer is “no” to this

question no need to finish reading this

article. But if you are like me than, just

keep on reading.

I can across a story about a husband and

wife from London, England, that had

more than their fair share of arguments.

The article said that they argued so

sharply one day, that the wife got into

their car and ran her husband over. The

husband, who was in his fifties, survived

but he suffered a fracture skull along

with forty-five leg fractures. He spent

five-months in the hospital recuperating

from his injuries and ended up in jail for

grievous bodily harm.

Then the husband did something that

was truly remarkable. He asked the

court to allow his wife to be set free. “I

can’t live without her”, said the man,

now wheelchair bound. In response

to his request, the Newcastle court

suspended his wife’s sentenced.

The husband told the local newspaper,

“We are back together and happy,” but he

added, “She’s still very argumentative.”

Such stories are not uncommon due to

the fact that arguments happen between

people all the time, sometimes for good

reasons and sometimes for no reason at

all. The trouble with arguments is that

they don’t work. I’m not talking about

when there is an exchange of good

ideas or a healthy debate on a subject

where opinions are shared. I’m talking

about the kind of arguments where

comments cut, emotions begin to boil,

tensions take on an edge, and responses

become personal and blistering. Where

the conversation is just going around

in a circle like a dog chasing their tail.

These arguments are ugly!

Why do we feel the necessity to argue?

Well the answer could be part of our

biological make-up. By nature, we

are social beings and we thrive best

on relationships. For some, close and

intimate relationships. However, we

are also hot-wired for survival. See,

when we feel threatened, we usually

resort to one of three automatic reflex-

like reactions in order to protect

ourselves from being hurt: freeze, fight

or run. Depending on the situation,

our brains begin to work overtime

calculating all the possible outcomes

that possibly could occur, and then

makes an assessment as to which of the

three reflex reactions is the best course

of action for our survival.

No matter where you are or environment,

you’re in, there are ways to graciously

step back from an argument. And it all

begins in the words that come across

your lips. These four simple statements

will assist you in halting an argument a

good majority of the time.

SToP AN ARGuMENT in 60 Seconds or Less

• Dr. Marc Clark