Well, I care. I didn’t choose to care, but I do. And it does matter, because a marriage – or any relationship,
for that matter – cannot work if you feel like you’re losing part of yourself in it.
I know there’s a seemingly obvious solution to my problem, and when I’m officially done with my
immigration homework I might well pick some kind of combination of my surname and his, à la Ruth Bader
Ginsburg. Of course, it also opens the door to a host of other questions: which surname comes first? Which
one comes last? Should I hyphenate? What happens if we have children? Will everyone just keep
hyphenating until one person’s name is as long as War and Peace?
What I do know is that I appreciate it when people don’t assume I have changed my surname. I also like it
when people abstain from judging women’s choices, one way or another. And whatever you, newly married
person, choose to do, please know that you’ll do the right thing as long as you listen to yourself. Names
encapsulate everything that we are. Parting with one is not inconsequential.