The Transformation Issue | Idealog.co.nz
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opinion
Jennifer Young is the founder of Intentional Generations (previously 'Jen Y Insights'). Jen is a
lawyer-turned-mindfulness-educator, NeuroLeadership Institute trained coach, facilitator,
accredited mental health first aider, youth leadership development advisor and writer. People
work with her to make change and impact without burning out and elevate them to their definitions
of deeply fulfilling and deeply impactful lives. Get in touch at http://www.jenyinsights.comMany authors argue that building our resilience is the best
investment we can make in our development. The problem
with our general understanding of resilience is that it’s
something we build only in reaction to events. I propose
it’s an asset that we should intentionally and proactively
develop so that we can better cope with the day-to-day
challenges life throws at us.
A surprisingly consistent feature in resilient humans
was practising honesty with others. They reviewed situations
honestly, reflected and learned how their actions or
decisions impacted the final outcomes. Being honest about
shortcomings, weaknesses or failures takes vulnerability and
courage. It also takes courage to start again. To do this, we
need strong practices and environments that are supportive
of experimenting. Sally Duxfield, director at Makahika
Outdoor Pursuit Centre, uses with her teams “strong
debriefs; the focused and disciplined approach of ‘pulling
out’ learnings so that mistakes or poor decisions are not
repeated”. Having an honest and trustworthy network was
also emphasised. Irene Wakefield, Prepair founder, swore
by her “great support network who calls me out on my BS,
encourages me through doubt and celebrates my wins”.What can we practically do
to become more resilient?1
Experience it. “What you resist, persists” – we
must face the fear and learn from it. F.E.A.R. = False
Expectations About Reality. Lean into the discomfort.
Breathe through it. Observe that we survive it. Know
that the discomfort is temporary. Observe what stories
the mind tells us. Grow our self-awareness: what might
we believe about our abilities? Consider working on one
challenging thing to start with.2
Lessen self-expectations. Treat yourself with
compassion like you would a child learning to walk.
Everyone starts somewhere. Unchatter’s Alina Manko
recommends for people: “separate our value as an individual
from the thing that went wrong or the action we took”.
There’s no expectation to get it right the first time. Or, treat
the experience like a scientist – use it as a data point.3
Ask for help. Keep yourself accountable and define
to yourself whose opinions really matter. When we
define ourselves by what everyone thinks, it’s hard
to be brave. Brené Brown suggests writing on a Post It note
the names of the people whose opinions of you matter.
They should be the people “who love you not despite your
vulnerability and imperfections, but because of them”.
Share with these trusted humans your goals and ask them
(or a coach) to keep you accountable.4
Practice self-care. Consistent daily, weekly and
monthly habits lead to mastery. Examples are
practising mindfulness, prioritising sleep, nutrition,
exercise and connecting with loved ones. Understand
life is a constant balance between giving into the ease of
distraction and overcoming the pain of discipline.5
Consider investing in your self-awareness and
personal growth. Hire a coach or psychologist
to understand your mind, thought patterns, blind
spots and goals. Learning to practice mindfulness or doing
a resilience training course are also recommended. The
Resilience Institute’s resources are a great place to start.6
Say YES! When someone offers you the opportunity
to try something out of your comfort zone, say yes,
whether it be something little like trying a new food,
to trying a new hobby, you never know where it might lead.
This is how I found a great love in dancing salsa and bachata.
It’s time to unlearn what we’ve learned from our
culture about failure by applying more diverse perspectives
to our lives and challenges. We can take learnings from
children, scientists and entrepreneurs to reframe our own
perceived failures and challenges, become more resilient
and be the change our world needs. Remember John
Shedd’s wise words: “A ship in harbour is safe, but that
is not what ships are built for.” If you need a final bit of
motivation to going outside of your comfort zone, know
that it’s only when we step away from what we know and
what is comfortable that we have the chance to learn and
to achieve our goals and dreams. ■For scientists, a
negative result is not
an indication that they
are a bad scientist.
In fact, it’s quite the
opposite. Proving a
hypothesis wrong is
often just as useful
as proving it right
because they learned
something along the
way. Scientists treat
failure as another data
point. How might it
impact our quality
of life if we treated
failures as data points
that can help lead us
to the right answers?