Guideposts – August 2019

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dinner table. Listening to the conver-

sations, I realized that almost everyone

who came with a spiritual problem also

had a financial problem lurking in the

background.

I started working pro bono with

guests to help solve their money prob-

lems. If they could afford a certified fi-

nancial planner or lawyer, I sent them

to a professional. I took on the clients

who were too poor to get attention

from anybody in the industry. I wasn’t

good enough yet to charge anyone, but

I was developing my skill set.

Frequently people would ask me to

pray for them to get relief from some

money crisis. I always did, but I also

insisted we make a budget.

Look for a mentor to help you with

your money problems. If you can afford

it, hire a professional coach. If you are

facing complex emotional issues (mon-

ey often touches on our deepest insecu-

rities), talk to a therapist or counselor

or try a Debtors Anonymous meeting.

For professional financial advice, make

sure you are using a planner or adviser

who is a fiduciary, someone legally re-

quired to act in your best interest.

Have that difficult talk. Up was

down for my parents when it came to

money. The more we had, the tenser

things became. They became experts

in poor-mouthing each other. I wore

ratty shoes with holes in the sides all

through middle school because it was

too much trouble to ask for new ones.

Any money spent on me, even an ice

cream cone, felt like a huge burden.

Why didn’t we talk about money?

Why didn’t they?

I’m not married, so I can’t pretend

to know all the answers to family is-

sues. But I’ve learned a few things

about resolving money conflicts. Talk-

ing frankly is essential. Schedule a

conversation with your spouse when

you are both well rested and relaxed.

Share your gratitude first. Then get to

the hard stuff, like what your goals are,

how to make a budget, how to get out

of the red if you’re in the red. Watch

your tone. Ask—don’t assume. Never

lie. Stay on topic. And remember that

you love each other. Money can blind

us to love.

If you get bogged down, start over

and talk about your hopes and dreams.

Try to build a game plan together.

Sometimes discussions get so emotion-

DEVOTION Doug in 2000, when he took his

final vows to become a Benedictine monk