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The following steps went deeper. I had
to make amends to people I had hurt,
ask God to remove my shortcomings,
pray often and share with other alco-
holics what I had learned in recovery.
On top of that, I had to attend meet-
ings and be honest with the people I
met there. It felt so daunting after
years of avoiding exactly this kind of
connection and transparency.
I had no idea whether I could do it,
much less progress from sobriety to
forging authentic relationships with
friends and coworkers—or maybe, one
day, a spouse.
Here’s what happened. AA doesn’t
just teach people how to forge relation-
ships. In AA, you become a person who
connects with others by doing it. The
steps aren’t just suggestions. Following
them forces you to act. The meetings
throw you together with people from
all walks of life with one thing in com-
mon—addiction. What’s left to hide?
Day by day, step by step, I opened
myself to other people, admitted my
most shameful acts and offered sup-
port to other alcoholics. After all those
years of posturing and deflecting, I
discovered a world I hadn’t known ex-
isted. A world in which people didn’t
reject me when they learned the truth
about me. A world in which love meant
more than my need for affirmation.
I met Alice two years after my first
AA meeting. We were both on vacation
in the Caribbean. Alice was pretty, like
other women I had been attracted to.
But Alice was also strong, independent,
smart and practical—and a woman of
deep Christian faith. Even as we began
dating back in New York, where she also
lived, I found myself assuming she’d
quickly see through me and dump me.
That’s where my AA experience
kicked in. In my drinking days, I would
have avoided someone like Alice or
tried to manipulate her into falling for
me. Now I simply acted like myself and
hoped for the best.
I was driving Alice home one eve-
ning. Her face was unhappy, and the
chorus of old insecurities started up:
Here we go. She’s made up her mind.
She’s about to dump me.
I caught myself. Through experienceATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE “I’m sharing my
story to help others struggling with addiction.”