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Healthy relationships
are one of the primary
casualties of substance
abuse. Addiction above
all is a disease of isola-
tion. Friends and family
are hurt and bewildered
by their addicted loved
one’s self-focused and
self-destructive behavior.
A major task for people in
recovery—and their loved ones—is
forging relationships built on trust,
integrity and love.
Why does addiction damage
relationships? And can that damage
be healed?
Alcohol and other drugs cause
changes in the brain that severely
impair a person’s ability to relate to
others. The addicted brain is preoccu-
pied with avoiding withdrawal and
maintaining an altered chemical state.
A person with a substance use
disorder will lie, manipulate and even
break off contact with someone who
stands in the way of maintaining that
chemical equilibrium. Many addicts
either are unaware they have a
problem or deceive themselves and
others to avoid having to quit.
Alcohol and other drugs also im-
pair reasoning and lower inhibitions,
leading to emotional and sexual
abuse, violence and even criminal be-
havior. People with substance abuse
disorders often have co-occurring
disorders, such as anxiety or depres-
sion, which further isolate them.No one is obligated
to remain in a relationship
with someone abusive
or dangerous. Nor must
loved ones tolerate in-
fidelity or abandonment.
In all relationships
affected by addiction,
loved ones should lovingly
detach from the disease
and practice self-care by
reaching out to friends, family, support
groups and recovery professionals.
A major part of recovery from
substance abuse is learning a new
way to be in relationships. People in
recovery are encouraged to be hon-
est about their struggles, take own-
ership of their actions and make
amends to those they have harmed.
The accountability and acceptance
found in support groups can promote
healthy attachments and restore
confidence eroded by addiction. No
longer burdened by shame, people
can forge more loving and transpar-
ent connections.
A quality recovery program will
also address the co-occurring dis-
orders that contribute to addiction
and impair relationships.
Addiction damages relationships,
but there is hope for healing. With
treatment, people can become
healthy—and loving—members of
their families and communities.
DR. RANDAL MULLINGS
Director of Family Services
Caron Ocean DriveHealing Relationships in Recovery