Guideposts – August 2019

44 GUIDEPOSTS (^) | August 2019
Diane Stark was right to worry
about her widowed mother-in-law.
Research shows that social isola-
tion takes a toll on health, well-being
and quality of life, especially as
we get older. That’s why the Good
Samaritan Society developed Kin
Ministry, an innovative program that
coordinates in-person, phone and
video-chat connections between
isolated seniors and volunteers from
their faith community. Even though
“technology can be an important
part of the solution for loneliness,”
says Denice Dengler, Kin Ministry’s
manager, “people still want and need
human connection.” Active listening
is the key, according to Dengler and
Barb Schwery, executive director of
BeFriender Ministry, which trains the
volunteers. Here are their tips for be-
coming a better, more active listener:
Do some self-reflection. We each
have our own communication style,
Schwery says. How have your life ex-
periences shaped how you listen and
communicate? What were things
like in your family growing up? What
is your role in life now? Also, con-
sider how day-to-day occurrences
affect your interactions. If someone
cuts you off in traffic, say, how might
that affect your conversations with
colleagues later that day?
Meet the other person where they
are. “If you visit someone who’s
grieving, for example, they might
not want to talk about it at first,”
Schwery says. “Maybe they want to
talk about gardening instead. Letting
them lead the conversation builds
trust.” They’ll talk about what’s really
on their minds when they’re ready to.
Respond with understanding. In
conversations, “people typically think,
‘What do I need to say next?’ rather
than ‘How do I make sure I under-
stood?’” Schwery notes. To better un-
derstand someone’s story from their
perspective, restate what you think
you heard. For example: “Sounds like
you really miss your daughter.”
Think caring, not curing. You’re not
there to teach or give advice. “Just be
a listening presence,” Dengler says.
Remind yourself, “I don’t have to have
all the answers. It’s not up to me to
fix this. I’m going in to learn.” Asking
open-ended questions gives the
other person the opportunity to
choose how to respond.
Be nonjudgmental. It’s healing to
talk about your experiences,
thoughts and feelings without be -
ing judged or criticized. Provide
a safe space for someone to do that.
“Listen in the way you would like to
be listened to,” Schwery says.
Visit good-sam.com/guideposts
to learn more about Kin Ministry
and other programs supported by
the Good Samaritan Foundation.
LIVING LONGER, LIVING BETTER
5 Ways to Be a Better Listener