S
ofarIhave
accidentally lopped
off half my bonsai
tree, accidentally
landed myself with a
horrible pot for my bonsai tree, and
accidentally transformed it into a
completely different bonsai tree
after spending nearly an in-game
decade getting the first one to grow
in pleasing directions. I’d say this is
approximately 25 percent
Tree.Bonsai’s fault and about 75
percent my fault.Looking at it from the outside, you’d
thinkTree.Bonsaiis a relaxing game.
A slow progression through seasons
as you choose which branches of a
plum tree to prune and which to
encourage as you shape your plant.
From the inside it is a battle of wills.
On the one hand there is you, the
benevolent gardener who only wants
to relax in the company of nature. On
the other is a tree that seems to be
hellbent on rebellion.
I’ve just gotten round to my third
cycle of the Chinese Zodiac and I
seem to be spending the Year of the
Rat cutting unsightly branches off mytree, applying nutrient solution to the
branch which is growing correctly,
and then watching as the tree almost
immediately regrows another errant
branch to spite me. It’s like when you
babysit a toddler and they hold eye
contact as they do the exact thing you
told them not to do and then deny
they’re doing it AS YOU WATCH
THEM DOING IT.
I should point out that I’m only
angry because I care. I want this tree
to be spectacular. I want it to be the
subject of beautiful screenshots. I
want it to twist about eight degrees
more in a clockwise direction. And I
will hack off every last twig which
fails to bow to my will.TRIMMING AND PRUNING
Tree.Bonsaiis in early access while
the developer tinkers with the project
in response to player suggestions.
The suggestions are generally things
like minor changes to control
schemes, requests for different types
of tree and so on, all of which make
Tree.Bonsaifeel like a bonsai itself,
with GuoJun Pan gently shaping the
game. It’s a lovely parallel which OH
FOR THE LOVE OF – why is this
tree branch now growing straight
down? Some bonsai trees are
hundreds of years old. How does
anyone stand them for that long?
They are the cold war of gardening.
They are the – AND NOW WHAT?
The good branch has fallen off and
the downward branch has remained.
I hate this tree.same way that I wouldn’t start
spoiling for a scrap on Malia’s main
drag, I’m all about steering as far
clear of combat as possible. Off go the
quest markers, away go the war axes
and off the beaten track I venture,
trekking in a manner that I absolutely
would never be bothered to do on a
trip I’d shelled out actual gold for.
SPENDING MONEY
Speaking of gold, I like to treat
myself, too. When playing normally,
I’m an utter skinflint. Why should I
pay to rent a room when away from
home? I can just stand around and
wait for a few hours, no biggie. Hot
meals? I’ve got a chunk of rabbit leg
in my pocket, anything else is just
frivolity. Stopping to chat? Can’t you
see I’ve got errands to run?! But
when I want to escape? Only the
finest inns and stews for this
Bosmer. Letting loose with a bit of
extra time and money is exactly what
holidays are about.
If the weekday grind is getting you
down, you can do a whole lot worse
than a mini-break to this virtual
facsimile of Sweden – at a cost
infinitely lower than the real thing.
It’s a spot of comfort gaming at its
absolute finest. So, who’s boarding
the next direct hay wagon to
Tamriel? A word of warning, though
- make sure you don’t show anybody
your passport. One glimpse of the
Dovahkiin name and your chances of
a peaceful break are as unlikely as a
cheap pint in Scandinavia.
PHILIPPA WARR
THIS MONTH
To o k u m b r a ge at
digital nature.ALSO PLAYED
Subnautica: Below ZeroEngaging in a gardening cold war inTREE.BONSAI.
“I’m only angry
because I care”
At least 57 percent more pleasant than
any Travelodge I’ve ever stayed in.THE GAMES WE LOVE RIGHT NOW
NOW PLAYING
Don’t you dare try to find a
new direction.Ooh, wonder what time the next tour of
the Dwemer ruins leaves?