ēĘ stlmag.com July 2019
A
LITTLE NERVOUS HIMSELF,
the therapist hurries me
past the waiting clients and
into his office. Clayton Les-
sor has written two books and worked
with 2,000 adolescent boys, developing a
10-week program, Quest, that helps them
recover the wisdom our society’s forgot-
ten. But he’s never let a reporter sit in.
Tonight’s a meeting with parents, and
they’ll be ranking virtues from what mat-
ters most to them to what matters least
(which is where things really get inter-
esting). “The boys did it last week,” Les-
sor explains. “The parents don’t know
yet that they’re going to compare theirs
with their sons’. If something’s way down
on the list for one and way high on the
other, this will help them connect—and
find out where they bump heads.
“I already know where they bump
heads,” he adds dryly. One boy’s mom
and dad divorced, “but they never
processed it with him. He’s angry that
his dad’s not there with him, and his
mom’s still angry because his dad had
an affair.” Another’s been cutting, say-
ing he wishes he were dead, banging his
head against the wall. Another, bright
and self-contained, has suddenly begun
bullying a younger sibling. Their par-
ents are in the process of splitting up,
and the dad reminds Lessor a little of
his own dad, who’d “fake-hit, make you
flinch, keep you in fear.” Lessor’s dad
drank at home but, like many of these
kids’ fathers, charmed the world. “It’s
crazy-making,” he says.
But it gave him compassion.
“Parents tell me, ‘He’s not going to
talk to you.’ I say, ‘Just give me a few
minutes with him.’ I have not had a boy
walk out of here where I was not able to
touch that wound.”
We go back into the living room—Les-
sor works out of his cozy house in South
County—and the parents offer updates
that are extra thorough for the reporter’s
sake. “My son’s the king of temptation,” a
mom says. “If it’s there, he’s going to try
it. He’s very loving, super sweet, but also
super impulsive, and I want to nip
it in the bud before it becomes anANGLES NOTEBOOK
BY JEANNETTE COOPERMANŲŲŲA St. Louis therapist says we’re
making it harder and harder for
boys to figure out who they are.
Photography by Kevin A. Roberts