Reader\'s Digest Australia - 05.2019

PASSWORD SAVVY

SCENE: A bar

ME: What’s the Wifi password?

BARTENDER: You need to buy a

drink first.

ME: OK, I’ll have a Coke.

BARTENDER: Three dollars.

ME: There you go. So what’s the Wifi

password?

BARTENDER: ‘You need to buy a

drink first.’ No spaces, all lowercase.

SYLVIA MCCLAIN

GENDER SWAP

After my wife accidentally swallowed

my prostate medication, our

daughter called a pharmacist to ask

whether there was any cause for

alarm. He replied, “Only if she starts

hanging out at hardware stores and

buying a lot of power tools.”

GARY MASSEY

The Great Tweet-off:

Cat Edition

I like to sleep on the left side of

the bed, and my cat likes to sleep

on the left side of the bed. So we

compromised, and I sleep on the

right side of the bed. @JULIETROUGE

I feel like 90 per cent of having a

cat is saying, “Where is the cat?”

@THE_RUG

A guy I was dating sat down on

the couch next to me. I proceeded

to whisper, “That’s the cat’s spot,”

to myself. @CHRISTYSHARK89

Sometimes I’ll ask my cats,

“Are you a good kitty?”

They just look at me,

and my wife will

say, “Answer your

father.”

@TASTEFACTORY

[At the vet

with my cat]

CAT: Meow.

ME: I know, that’s why

I brought you here.

@CORNONTHEGOBLIN

If you nod knowingly at these

tweets, you’re a cat person.

“He’s outside setting up
a tent for the kids.”
ILLUSTRATIONS: GETTY IMAGES; CARTOON: BILL ABBOTT