May• 2019 | 77pops up to remind you of
how much you still have
to learn.
It is sobering to reflect
that my chosen profession
consistently ranks among
those with the highest suicide rates,
and which, contrary to public per-
ception, generally pays its employees
less than the minimum wage when
calculated against hours worked. I
have a plethora of scars and injuries
from being bitten, kicked, scratched,
stabbed, cut, stitched up, stood on,
squashed, stamped and charged. I’ve
been covered in every possible bodi-
ly fluid: blood, pus, urine, diarrhoea,
amniotic fluid, rumen contents, anal
gland secretion, decomposing tissue.
I’ve accidentally jumped into a silage
pit, driven into two ditches, and fallen
into a pond. And I’ve been hospital-
ised with a two-litre pleural effusion
[excess fluid around the lungs] aftercontracting bovine tuber-
culosis, and had to under-
go a year of treatment.
So, if I had my time over
again, would I change
anything? Without a mo-
ment’s hesitation, no.
The animal kingdom is vast and in-
credible. It is a common assumption
that, as a vet, I will automatically know
about, and be able to treat, any ani-
mal that I might find on my consult-
ing-room table – or behind a stable
door. So it often comes as a shock and
disappointment to others when I con-
fess that I don’t immediately know,
say, the common ailments of aTrit-
urus cristatus(the great crested newt).
There are six main species we study
in great depth at veterinary school,
and they are all mammals: the horse,
the cow, the pig, the sheep, the dog
and the cat. A few weeks’ teaching is
PHOTOS: COURTESY JONATHAN CRANSTON given over to ‘small furries’ (rabbits,
L-R: relocating a 4.6m
long, 700kg African
Nile crocodile; Boer
goats; with a young
female leopard