READER’S DIGESTJune• 2019 | 91MIND THE GAP
IN S IBLING AGES
The closeness in age between sib-
lings intensifies birth order traits.
“Studies find that kids closer in age
are more competitive,” says Wallace,
because their needs from parents
are more similar. This is rooted in
evolution by having to compete with
siblings for survival.
“If you watch little birds in a nest,
they’re battling just to get the food,”
says Wallace. This is why, contrary
to popular thinking, twins can be
fiercely competitive. So is there an
‘ideal’ age gap between siblings?
With more than a five-year gap,
some psychologists believe that
birth order ‘resets’, so that a mid-
dle child can actually take on the
traits of a firstborn. But a very large
age gap, as in the case of a second
or blended family, can totally throw
even older children.
WHY YOU MAY NOT
IDENTIFY WITH YOUR
BIRTH ORDER
“But I don’t have the typical traits of
a middle child!” you say. Some may
point to this as evidence that birth
order really doesn’t matter – but
Campbell and her colleague Alan
Stewart have developed a theory why
this may occur.
“Only 60 per cent of all people
identify with their actual chrono-
logical birth order,” says Campbell.
“We developed the ‘psychological
birth o rder’ inventory 15 years ago,
and it remains the only inventory
that measures how a person actual-
ly feels and identifies with a place in
their family.”
A different psychological and
chronological birth order might
occur i f the eldest sibling is unwill-
ing or unable to take up the reigns as
the sibling leader – then the middle
might become a de facto firstborn.GENDER CAN THROW
BIRTH ORDER TRAITS OFF
Another reason you might not display
the typical traits of your birth order is
what sex you are. “Culture and fami-
ly tradition come into this a lot,” says
Wallace. “If a boy is valued more, a
second-born who’s a boy might be
elevated in some cultures. He might
be the one to go to college, not the
firstborn girl.”
Or the opposite may occur – a re-
cent study found that firstborn girls
are more ambitious, with 13 per cent
more likely to aspire to attend univer-
sity than firstborn boys. Also, the first
girl in the family might be expected
to help with care-taking of younger
siblings ins tead of an older brother.
The f amily dynamic of how many
girls and how many boys also factors
in. If you are the only boy among
many girls, or vice versa, you may get
special treatment by your parents,
but you may be neglected by your
siblings w ho identify with each other
more than with you.