MOTHER–DAUGHTER DRESSES
50 | July• 2019
I had to remind myself that this
shouldn’t have been a huge shock. A
few years before our daughter came
out to us as trans, she had broken up
with her girlfriend of four years. She
told us she was bisexual and wanted
to explore that. Then she began, as
she put it, “experimenting with my
feminine side”. After almost a year of
seeing her integrate more traditional-
ly feminine looks into her wardrobe,
we became used to this new bi, fluid,
femme, butch, male/female person.
LGBTQ+ wasn’t all-encompassing
enough. It’s like she was rocking the
whole alphabet with her identity.
And then she landed.
The day after Hannah’s call, her
dad came home. He was fine – no
anxiety, no nightmares, just a loving
parent in a relaxed state of accept-
ance. Show-off! As a result of my
constant anxiety, I resembled an 80
year old with dirty hair who had lived
hard. Having no control over much
else, I opted to shower. An all-around
good choice.
The following afternoon, we were
in the kitchen making pasta prima-
vera – our daughter’s favourite meal
- as we waited for her to arrive. We
were also spending the time diligent-
ly practising pronouns. I was busy
“she”-ing and “her”-ing it up with
zeal, but every time I said “Hannah”,
the name came out garbled, like I was
drunk and wearing my night guard.
At some point, we heard a key turn
in the front door, and in she walked.
To my elation, no one was lost or
missing. They were all here in the
hall: the hes, the shes and the thems,
in one beautiful package. No one had
left us. The same human we first met
25 years earlier was standing right
in front of us. We all started to cry.(Thank God it was all of us – I was
tired of being the loopy one.)WE MOVED INTO OUR SUNROOM,
wine in hand, to chat. The three of
us talked all the talks there were to
talk, and Colin and I asked all the
questions we could think of. Over the
course of an afternoon that can best
be described as an acronym-o-rama,
we listened and learned. We so want-
ed to respect and understand what
she was going through. We could see
that she was exploring, too, taking
time to listen to her heart and her
mind.COLIN AND I LISTENED AND LEARNED.
WE SO WANTED TO RESPECT WHAT OUR
DAUGHTER WAS GOING THROUGH