British GQ - 09.2019

Photographs

Allstar Collection/Warner Bros; Eyevine; Getty Images; Terry O’Neill/Getty Images

G House Rules

New/old hair klaxon: I’ve got a mullet

(again). And I’m not scared of using

it. “How?” or “Why?” you ask. Well, I grew

long feathery bits down my neck, then

fancied short sides with no sideburns. I left

what covered the crown and the fringe. The

result was instant: my barnet was delivered

directly to high mullet status. It has given

me a fresh lease of style, a certain dangerous

attitude and an edge so wrong it’s (almost)

right. For clarity, a mullet is a layered haircut

with a longer back than mid-section, yet with

myriad variations. One thing it will never be,

however, is route one cool.

Yet I’m thrilled with the outcome and also

the reaction. Mullets always were

provocative, abrasive haircuts –

and taking little skill to execute

they were inherently DIY, thus

channelling Swampy-style eco-

warrior sensibilities. The mullet has

always been seen as an icon of bad

style, of course, but perhaps that’s

what all these pumped Love Island

gym bunnies need to catch an edge

Designer brands of all persuasions have taken a hit of the tie-dye mega bong and their trippily

patterned garments are a swirly status signal for today’s discerning haute bohemian

Excuse me while I take a hit of my Beboe sativa vaporiser. [Inhales] Duuuuuuuude, it’s, like, so true

[exhales]: tie-dye has gone all designer and hype. What was once the preserve of dodgy stalls in

Camden Market is now the height of designer fashion. And, no, that’s not the THC talking. Balenciaga,

Prada, Valentino, Berluti and Ralph Lauren now offer all manner of tie-dye garments. And where there’s

hype, hip hop cannot be far away (viz A$AP Rocky, left). The trend for hypebeast designer tie-dye is

just the latest example of counterculture commodification. It’s all around us. No one buys a ten-bag of

weed any more – they want to smoke exotic, expensively cultivated strains from their Ignite vaporiser.

So it is that designer tie-dye is just the thing for haute bohemian management consultants and dotcom

entrepreneurs to wear in a helicopter as it hovers over the summer festival glamping facilities they’ll be

enjoying later. Just don’t call it selling out, man. Now, who’s for blowbacks in the pub car park? AT

(Because

your nice, trim

little fade is

about as

fashionable as

Love Island...)

MULLET

CAPER

The great

nowadays. A little

bit of Extinction

Rebellion street riot cred? Rather than a

fade combined with some big quiff energy

• what every man under 25 seems to be
  sporting – the rabble-rousing mullet could
  give the very basic a style epiphany. Still,
  mullets have had their time at the top: David
  Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust mullet is something
  to savour.
  Despite the mullet’s amateurish failed
  pop star feel, however, I had difficulty on
  first grow: I clippered off my sidies to ear
  level and it became clear I wasn’t so much
  Aladdin Sane as Chuckle Brother. Without
  the youthful side panels young
  men boast, my mullet was pre-
  receded, almost back to the ears.
  With current long double- breasted
  jacket flex I now resemble one
  of Duran Duran. Of course, the
  real trick here is this: never take a
  mullet too seriously. Nothing is as
  disarming as laughing at yourself
  before the crowd do.

Kill all hippies! (Again)

Story by Tom Stubbs

David Bowie

Woody Harrelson

Alex White

Pat Sharp

G House Rules

09-19HRMullets.indd 113 10/07/2019 11:10

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