‘We need to focus on what is the next small step that will make a difference’
controlled – or we take that certain
amount of risk and venture out of that
tiny box.”
On the upside, stepping out leads to
a life that is richer and allows you to
fulfil your potential, she says.
Dr Heron describes a woman she
worked with who wanted to start her
own business, but was fearful and lacked
support from friends or family. “For
years she was stuck in that space, but
she realised that she was kind of
drowning,” says Dr Heron. “There was
not much reason to get up in the
morning. It was very much bordering
on depression. So, without the support
of her family or her husband, she
just jumped.”
She started her business while
keeping her day job, but within 18
months it had grown enough for her
to quit. Dr Heron adds that having the
support of people around you as a safety
net is helpful, but “sometimes we have to
be our safety net”. (See the next page for
tips on getting past fear).Growing by taking risks
Learning to take small risks is a key
principle of antifragility. Charlotte notes
that most people are conservative whendon’t touch it again,” she says.
“I think we learn through our mistakes
more than we learn through following
other people’s examples. In therapy,
people have to come to their solutions
by themselves. If someone just tells
them, it doesn’t work. They don’t even
hear it.”
Dr Heron agrees that learning
by trial and error is vital for
growth. “If we could
install a chip that gave
them the ability to
do things perfectly,
I think a lot of people
would put their hands
up,” she says. “But I
don’t think we would
actually grow.
“But when we make
mistakes and learn from those
mistakes we can surpass our dreams,
because oftentimes we find ways of
doing things [that are] even better than
what we thought possible.”
She notes that perfectionism always
comes back to fear – of not being good
enough or what others think of us –
but “life is way too short for things to
be perfect”.
She describes a native American tribe
that deliberately drop a stitch when
knitting blankets. “Nature is not perfect.
We shouldn’t be perfect either,” says
Dr Heron. “Give yourself permission
to be an imperfect person.”Playing the long game
A further key to antifragility is learning
to play a long game, which Dr Heron
notes can be difficult in a culture
obsessed with instant gratification.
She recommends fostering patience
and breaking big goals into chunks.
“We need to focus on what is the next
small step that will make a difference.”
Charlotte advises getting clear on
your goals. “Work out what you wouldit comes to emotional risk-taking.
“I think we are sparing with sharing
our true feelings,” she says. “We protect
ourselves because we’ve all been hurt.
“We hope and expect others to read
our minds rather than coming out and
saying, ‘What I would really like is this.’”
She adds that the outcome of expressing
your feelings is rarely as bad as
you anticipate. Rather than
people thinking you are
“weak and pathetic”,
they’re more likely to
think, ‘Thank God,
another human being
like me.’ And hence
the connection will
be stronger.”
When it comes to
assessing risks, she advises
looking at the worst possible
outcome and how likely it is to
happen, while also considering
the upside. Flying in a plane, for
example, involves a tiny risk of
crashing, but also means you can
travel to wonderful destinations.
An important part of the antifragile
philosophy is avoiding risks that could
completely wipe you out, like putting all
your savings into a dicey investment.Permission for
imperfection
One major barrier to healthy
risk-taking is perfectionism,
because learning from
mistakes is crucial to growth.
Charlotte explains that it’s
only when things go wrong
that we must look at how we
could do them differently or
better. “I don’t think there’s
a shortcut around that.”
For example, you can tell a
child hundreds of times not to
touch the hotplate, “but when
they burn themselves they PHOTOGRAPHYGETTY IMAGES‘In therapy,
people have to
come to their
solutions by themselves.
If someone just
tells them, it doesn’t
work. They don’t
even hear it’