Womankind – August 2019

98

To be clear I was not rejecting

outright either of these two human

institutions - I could see the flaws and

failings of both but also the strengths

and goodness of both. It was just both

stopped ‘working’ for me.

I have always preferred being out-

doors to being inside. One day out on

a late winter walk I saw a glimpse of

that stunningly fresh green of new

plant growth - the one where the

green is beautifully translucent; it was

peeking through the seemingly dead

brown twigs of a beech hedge. To

see signs of life amidst the bare, bar-

ren-looking branches caused a wave

My journey into food growing

was not one I could have predicted.

I studied medicine and trained as a

junior doctor specialising in psychi-

atry, which I practised for ten years.

During this time, I also studied pas-

toral theology at a Jesuit College

with a particular interest in ethics

and the overlap between religion (in

my case Christian) and psychiatry.

I reached a point in my life where

neither were serving me well; events

in my personal life meant I had lost

my sense of trust that my world was

safe which meant working in psychi-

atry was nigh impossible, and I was

no longer getting solace or comfort

from my faith. So I felt I needed to

take a break from both.

Finding a way of in-

teracting with the

living world that felt

gentle, creative, and

restorative allowed me

to build again a sense

of basic trust.

Nature

faith

NATURE FAITH

Nature

of hope and joy to course through me.

After this I kept looking at plants in

any gardens I passed by. I was hooked

and so fell into, and in love with,

tending plants.

I was a city dweller from birth

and my love of outdoors was fulfilled

mostly through walking in parks and

cycling everywhere. I loved garden-

ing - on so many levels; being out-

doors; seeing growth emerge, flourish,

and decay. The smell of damp earth

brought back memories of happy days

as a child in our local park. (I often

thank the clever people who created

and protected city parks). Finding

a way of interacting with the living

world that felt gentle, creative, and

restorative allowed me to build again

a sense of basic trust.

Imagine then how it felt when a

year or so into this venture (I chose

to make horticulture my career)

when I began to understand just

how destructive many of the main-

stream practices in horticulture and

gardening are - use of herbicides,

pesticides, digging soil, artificial

fertilisers and so on. I felt shocked

and, somewhat nonsensically, be-

trayed. I was following the received

wisdom and pictured myself in har-

mony with my small world in my

garden only to learn that I was ac-

tually causing harm when I thought

otherwise.

BY JANE GLEESON

98

To be clear I was not rejecting

outrighteither of thesetwo human

institutions- I couldseetheflawsand

failingsofbothbutalsothestrengths

andgoodnessof both.It wasjustboth

stopped‘working’forme.

I havealwayspreferredbeingout-

doorstobeinginside.Onedayouton

a latewinterwalkI sawa glimpseof

that stunningly fresh green of new

plant growth - the one where the

greenis beautifullytranslucent;it was

peekingthroughtheseeminglydead

brown twigs of a beech hedge. To

seesignsoflifeamidstthebare,bar-

ren-lookingbranchescauseda wave

My journey into food growing

wasnotoneI couldhavepredicted.

I studiedmedicineandtrained asa

juniordoctorspecialisinginpsychi-

atry,whichI practisedfortenyears.

Duringthistime,I alsostudiedpas-

toral theology at a Jesuit College

with a particular interest in ethics

andtheoverlapbetweenreligion(in

mycaseChristian)andpsychiatry.

I reacheda pointinmylifewhere

neitherwereservingmewell;events

inmypersonallifemeantI hadlost

mysenseoftrustthatmyworldwas

safewhichmeantworkinginpsychi-

atrywasnighimpossible,andI was

no longergettingsolaceor comfort

frommyfaith.SoI feltI neededto

takea breakfromboth.

Findinga wayof in-

teractingwiththe

livingworldthatfelt

gentle,creative,and

restorativeallowedme

to buildagaina sense

of basictrust.

Nature

faith

NATURE FAITH

Nature

of hope and joy to course through me.

After this I kept looking at plants in

any gardens I passed by. I was hooked

and so fell into, and in love with,

tending plants.

I was a city dweller from birth

and my love of outdoors was fulfilled

mostly through walking in parks and

cycling everywhere. I loved garden-

ing - on so many levels; being out-

doors; seeing growth emerge, flourish,

and decay. The smell of damp earth

brought back memories of happy days

as a child in our local park. (I often

thank the clever people who created

and protected city parks). Finding

a way of interacting with the living

world that felt gentle, creative, and

restorative allowed me to build again

a sense of basic trust.

Imagine then how it felt when a

year or so into this venture (I chose

to make horticulture my career)

when I began to understand just

how destructive many of the main-

stream practices in horticulture and

gardening are - use of herbicides,

pesticides, digging soil, artificial

fertilisers and so on. I felt shocked

and, somewhat nonsensically, be-

trayed. I was following the received

wisdom and pictured myself in har-

mony with my small world in my

garden only to learn that I was ac-

tually causing harm when I thought

otherwise.

BY JANE GLEESON