Womankind – August 2019

90

Dear Hera,

My husband works as a financial

manager at a large company and he

works long hours during the week. We

have three children, and I have reduced

my hours to part time so that I can take

them to school, sports, and be with

them after school during the week. My

partner has just started to play golf on

Saturdays, which means that he leaves

at 8 in the morning and isn’t back until

4 in the afternoon. Every Saturday I

felt resentful. Is this unreasonable?

I can imagine your husband

works hard all week and feels he

deserves to take some time off over

the weekend. It makes perfect sense

that he’d want to spend his Saturday

on the golf course - out on the green

with no tasks to think about. From

your point of view, however, you’re

currently sacrificing your time during

the week, so you can be at home

with the children after school. I sup-

pose, you too, would love to work

full-time, but you can’t right now.

For you, being the full-time carer

all week, and now the weekend too,

feels a little unfair. You are right to be

a little miffed. So, what’s the answer?

Your husband wants some time

to rest after a hectic week at work,

ETHICAL WOMAN

Ethical

woman

Are you being

reasonable, or

unreasonable?

Womankind

readers ask Hera

important life

questions and she

gives her honest

response.

and so do you. So, why not both take

time off? If he takes Saturday off, you

take Sunday. And then, perhaps,

you also deserve another night off

during the week - to have some time

to yourself, to break up the house

duties. By locking in hours to your-

self to do things, your husband has to

work around it.

The issue with your husband’s

‘paid work’ as opposed to your ‘un-

paid child and household duties’ is

that his days and weeks can be easily

scheduled in and it always sounds so

very important. “Oh, I’d love to pick

up the kids, but I’ve got a business

dinner on Wednesday night.” Or,

“Ah, sorry, no can do. Martin wants

me to meet his tier one client, so I

won’t be home until 11pm.”

As the home carer, you too, there-

fore, have to lock in advance. “Oh,

I’d love to, but I’ve got an important

class on that night.” You need dates

and times - even get yourself a calen-

dar and place it in the kitchen and

mark out the due dates, the meet-

ings, the appointments. You see ‘paid

workers’ have it over ‘unpaid domes-

tic workers’ because everything can

be put under the work banner - client

dinner, function, meeting colleagues,

social engagements, the big business

work trip, the emergency meeting.

There’s so much scope to skive off

because of that ‘oh, so important af-

ter-work function’.

The solution here is to come up

with a schedule that gives you some

much-needed time off - which is

healthy for you, your children, and

will give your husband some im-

portant one-on-one time with his

offspring - something he will thank

you for when he is older, no doubt.

Because no one ever wished they’d

worked more on their deathbed.

90 Ethics

Dear Hera,

My husband works as a financial

manager at a large company and he

works long hours during the week. We

have three children, and I have reduced

my hours to part time so that I can take

them to school, sports, and be with

them after school during the week. My

partner has just started to play golf on

Saturdays, which means that he leaves

at 8 in the morning and isn’t back until

4 in the afternoon. Every Saturday I

felt resentful. Is this unreasonable?

I can imagine your husband

works hard all week and feels he

deserves to take some time off over

the weekend. It makes perfect sense

that he’d want to spend his Saturday

on the golf course - out on the green

with no tasks to think about. From

your point of view, however, you’re

currently sacrificing your time during

the week, so you can be at home

with the children after school. I sup-

pose, you too, would love to work

full-time, but you can’t right now.

For you, being the full-time carer

all week, and now the weekend too,

feels a little unfair. You are right to be

a little miffed. So, what’s the answer?

Your husband wants some time

to rest after a hectic week at work,

ETHICAL WOMAN

Ethical

woman

Are you being

reasonable, or

unreasonable?

Womankind

readers ask Hera

important life

questions and she

gives her honest

response.

and so do you. So, why not both take

time off? If he takes Saturday off, you

take Sunday. And then, perhaps,

you also deserve another night off

during the week - to have some time

to yourself, to break up the house

duties. By locking in hours to your-

self to do things, your husband has to

work around it.

The issue with your husband’s

‘paid work’ as opposed to your ‘un-

paid child and household duties’ is

that his days and weeks can be easily

scheduled in and it always sounds so

very important. “Oh, I’d love to pick

up the kids, but I’ve got a business

dinner on Wednesday night.” Or,

“Ah, sorry, no can do. Martin wants

me to meet his tier one client, so I

won’t be home until 11pm.”

As the home carer, you too, there-

fore, have to lock in advance. “Oh,

I’d love to, but I’ve got an important

class on that night.” You need dates

and times - even get yourself a calen-

dar and place it in the kitchen and

mark out the due dates, the meet-

ings, the appointments. You see ‘paid

workers’ have it over ‘unpaid domes-

tic workers’ because everything can

be put under the work banner - client

dinner, function, meeting colleagues,

social engagements, the big business

work trip, the emergency meeting.

There’s so much scope to skive off

because of that ‘oh, so important af-

ter-work function’.

The solution here is to come up

with a schedule that gives you some

much-needed time off - which is

healthy for you, your children, and

will give your husband some im-

portant one-on-one time with his

offspring - something he will thank

you for when he is older, no doubt.

Because no one ever wished they’d

worked more on their deathbed.

Ethics