91Dear Hera,My boyfriend took me out for hot
chocolate last week and spent the entire
time looking at his phone. Why does he
find his phone more interesting than me?Well the first thing you need to
realise is that it’s not you. It’s not be-
cause you are dull, or lack interesting
things to say. This is about technolo-
gy and its bright flashing lights.
Humans have always been at-
tracted to light, from the time we
used to sit around the camp fire star-
ing into the flames. Our eyes are at-
tracted to light, and we can’t avoid
staring at things that flicker, it’s too
eye-catching. We’re also programmed
to seek out novelty - because we are
curious creatures who like to learn,
and we prioritise social connections.
You see, the little rectangular device
in your boyfriend’s pocket has all
these things. It has flashing lights, it’s
a novelty generator, and it connects
him to a network of other people - an
entire planet in fact. So, to compete
with this box, you’d probably have to
be lit up like a Christmas tree, show
him a constant stream of flash cards
of new and interesting places andETHICAL WOMANEthics
If you’d like to ask Hera a ques-
tion for the upcoming issue, please
send to ethicalwoman@womankind-
mag.com. Please note that questions
will remain completely anonymous
and no names will be published.ideas, and at the same time introduce
him to 50 of your friends. And then
you might, might... get his attention.
So, am I saying that it’s futile; there’s
no hope in getting your boyfriend
to spend quality time with you? Not
exactly. I think you’ve just got to un-
derstand that when he’s holding his
phone you’re up against a fierce and
dominant competitor.
One of the best ways to change
behaviour is to rationalise it. If you
read up on the ways in which the
internet and mobile phones create
addictive behaviour - and then sub-
tly pass on that information to him,
you make him aware of his actions,
at the very least. Because at the mo-
ment he is acting subconsciously, so
you need to make him conscious of
the moments he’s staring at his phone
or scrambling in his pocket to access
it. That’s the start of behavioural
change. You could announce that
you’re going on a week break from
social media because you think it’s
killing your creativity. By slowly
making him aware of his actions you
may open up a pathway there for new
thinking down the track. Good luck.91DearHera,My boyfriendtookme outfor hot
chocolatelastweekandspenttheentire
timelookingat hisphone.Whydoeshe
findhisphonemoreinterestingthanme?Wellthefirst thingyouneedto
realiseis thatit’snotyou.It’snotbe-
causeyouaredull,orlackinteresting
thingstosay.Thisis abouttechnolo-
gyanditsbrightflashinglights.
Humans have always been at-
tracted to light, from the time we
usedtositaroundthecampfirestar-
ingintotheflames.Oureyesareat-
tractedtolight, andwecan’t avoid
staringatthingsthat flicker,it’stoo
eye-catching.We’realsoprogrammed
toseekoutnovelty- becauseweare
curious creatures who liketo learn,
andweprioritisesocialconnections.
Yousee,thelittlerectangulardevice
in your boyfriend’s pocket has all
thesethings.It hasflashinglights,it’s
a noveltygenerator,andit connects
himtoa networkof otherpeople- an
entireplanetinfact.So,tocompete
withthisbox,you’dprobablyhaveto
belituplikea Christmastree,show
hima constantstreamofflashcards
of new and interesting places andETHICAL WOMANEthics
If you’d like to ask Hera a ques-
tion for the upcoming issue, please
send to ethicalwoman@womankind-
mag.com. Please note that questions
will remain completely anonymous
and no names will be published.
ideas, and at the same time introduce
him to 50 of your friends. And then
you might, might... get his attention.
So, am I saying that it’s futile; there’s
no hope in getting your boyfriend
to spend quality time with you? Not
exactly. I think you’ve just got to un-
derstand that when he’s holding his
phone you’re up against a fierce and
dominant competitor.
One of the best ways to change
behaviour is to rationalise it. If you
read up on the ways in which the
internet and mobile phones create
addictive behaviour - and then sub-
tly pass on that information to him,
you make him aware of his actions,
at the very least. Because at the mo-
ment he is acting subconsciously, so
you need to make him conscious of
the moments he’s staring at his phone
or scrambling in his pocket to access
it. That’s the start of behavioural
change. You could announce that
you’re going on a week break from
social media because you think it’s
killing your creativity. By slowly
making him aware of his actions you
may open up a pathway there for new
thinking down the track. Good luck.