94 LISTENER AUGUST 3 2019
THE GOOD LIFE
T
ony, the farmer at the top of
the drive, phoned on Friday
night. Had we seen
his cat?
The cat is the latest of
Tony’s animals to turn up
here at Lush Places. We have
had a couple of his sheep
leap the fences. We put
them in the paddock and
phone Tony to say that we
are planning a roast dinner.
That gets him here quick
smart. We have had a couple
of his bobby calves on the
drive, too. We now work on
the principle that if they got
in through the fence, they
can get back out through
the fence.
We had the goat. Greg
went out one morning and
found it looking at him.
The goat galloped off and
insinuated himself into the
middle of the ewe flock that
Miles the sheep farmer was
moving, up the driveway
and along the road to the home farm,
to be introduced to the rams. The
goat looked like a grumpy, ancient,
bearded Asian emperor with a bad
case of gout. It did not look like a
sheep. The sheep were, quite rightly,
appalled. The goat ended up at Miles’
place for the day. He was lucky it was
just for the day. Tony had had it in
for that goat from the day he got him
for his boy.Cats are a law unto
themselves, but
that’s safer than
acting the goat.
No respect for boundaries
The visiting cat’s name is Katie, and she is a
ragdoll. They are so named because when you
pick them up, they flop, like a rag doll. We have
had Katie here twice recently. She and our girl cat,
Sqweaky, have been sitting in the rose border and
shrieking and growling at each other. I have to get
into the spiky rose garden and pick up an even
spikier cat and phone Tony to come and get the
thing.
I think Katie wants to be friends with Sqweaky.This is unlikely to happen. Sqweaky hates cats and
does not recognise them as kin.
Katie is on heat, said Tony. She is looking for a
fella. She is looking in the wrong place. I said: I
think she is a lesbian cat. There was a silence on the
end on the phone. Then Tony laughed his head off
and said that he didn’t think so. She had already
had a large number of litters. Well, there you go,
I said. She’s had enough of males. Good for her, I
said. I was, I said, all for gay marriage. “Good on
ya,” said Tony.I laughed my head off. I often do
after an interaction with Tony. He’s
funny. To almost anything I say, he
says: “Good on ya.” His boy is even
funnier. He is going to be a farmer,
the third in a generation of farmers.
The goat was his. He named it Curry.
Curry, after his attempt to disguise
himself as a sheep to get away from
Tony, is now deceased. I don’t want
to know the fate of the
chicken, McNuggets.
Tony’s working dog,
King, lives in a kennel,
outside, all year long.
He is let out only when
he has stock work to do.
He is a very nice dog, if
a bit pongy, and he likes
ladies. He likes me. “You
dirty bugger,” said Tony,
proudly. You probably
wouldn’t want King on
the couch during a ladies’
afternoon tea. King got
Curry for tea.K
atie lives in the house,
except when she is in
our rose garden. She is
a working cat, too. She has
all those litters. Ragdoll kit-
tens can sell for over $800.
Blimey. I reckon that if I
told Tony she and Sqweaky
were engaged, and that
Katie would now be living at Lush
Places, he’d be over here even faster
than quick smart.
I don’t really think that Katie is a
lesbian cat (not that there’s anything
wrong with that, as the famous Sein-
feld line has it). I just like winding
Tony up. Winding people up is what
we country folk like to do to keep
our spirits up during the long, slowG winter. Good on us. l
RE
G^
D
IX
O
N
Sqweaky the cat is a country beauty.You probably
wouldn’t want
King on thecouch during
a ladies’
afternoontea. King got
Curry for tea.MICHELE
HEWITSON