Cosmopolitan UK – September 2019

COSMOPOLITAN · 123

BrokenribsledmetoHannah

in2004.It hurttomove,to

laugheven,soathouseparties

I’dstationmyselfonthesofa.

Hannahfloppeddownbeside

me,sayingsheneededa break

fromthecrowdaftera rough

day.Sixhourson,neitherofus

hadmoved.I couldbarelyfeel

myribsanymore.A fewdays

later,wehadourfirstdate.

Hannah’sphonerang

non-stop.Shehadtimefor

everybody– aswellasworking

part-timeasa modeland

studyingfora degree,she

passionatelyraisedmoney

forcancercharities.She

evenpersuadedmetodomy

firstmarathon,draggingme

outsideongreymornings.

Thenoneday,manytraining

sessionslater,whenwe’dbeen

togetherfortwoyears,the

phonerang.It wasHannah’s

mum.Shetoldmethatwhile

walkinghometheprevious

night,Hannahhadbeenhitbya

drunkdriver.Therewasnothing

thedoctorscoulddo.She’d

passedawayat just 20 yearsold.

Duringthoseearlymonths,

I had moments where I couldn’t

see the point in leaving my

bedroom. I’d swing from

sadness to anger, furious at the

driver and how cruel the world

was. It ate me up. The first time

I kissed another girl, I cried

later in the nightclub bathroom

• I’d thought that, after a year,
  I was ready, but I wasn’t. People
  said life would get better, but
  even five years later, it was only
  better to an extent – I’d simply
  learned to live with the grief.
  I took comfort in knowing
  that before Hannah’s death, she
  knew just how much I loved her


• I told her all the time. I began
  raising money for charities in her
  memory, running from Paris
  to London and setting up my

ownorganisation,Inspired4Life.

WhenI feltreadytodate again, I

metupwithwomenoutside my

circle,waitinga fewweeks before

bringingupmyrelationship

history.It wasnevereasy, and my

pastwasoftena bigger problem

forthemthanforme– some

feltasif theywerecompeting

withHannah’smemory.

Speakingtoa divorced friend

ledmetoanepiphany. I was –

inmyownstrangeway – going

througha break-up,too. And,

likemyfriend,I hadto move on.

It waspainful,butI had to let

therelationshipgo.As much as

wehadbeeninlove,Hannah

andI wouldneverbetogether

againandkeepingthe idea alive

inmyheadwasn’tdoing me

anygood.I letnewthoughts

in: “There

are more

than seven

billion

people in

the world,

so there

must be

others

who could

make you

just as happy, but you won’t

know until you try. Really try.”

I met Sara through mutual

friends in 2016, and everything

changed. I can’t pinpoint why,

but with her, it just feels right.

We got married last summer and

I’ve never felt so fulfilled in life

or in love. Hannah’s death gave

me a greater sense of perspective

• Sara and I argue, of course, but
  I always try not to hold a grudge.
  I relish the small moments, like
  cooking together or cuddling in
  front of the TV, knowing that life
  really can change in an instant.
  Kaveh is raising money for cancer
  charities by completing a punchbag
  challenge. Visit Inspired4life.org/
  1millionstrikes for information

WHAT

I’VE

LEARNED

ABOUT

LOVE...

“I told her

how much

I loved her

all the time”

AS TOLD TO JENNIFER SAVIN. ILLUSTRATION MARTIN IXER DESIGN

from loss

By Kaveh Fatemian, 33, who

lost his girlfriend of two years

after a hit-and-run accident