MH.CO.ZA/ August 2019 73It’s a weird time for sex.
Multiple studies say whole generations
are having less of it. Or, apparently,
everyone’s having it but you! Or everyone’s
just watching so much porn on their
phones that no one even cares about
having partnered sex anymore.
When it comes to oral sex, things have
become even more confusing. Does it
count as sex? Does it require protection?
Do you have to ask for consent in the heat
of it? It’s enough to make you avoid the
deed altogether. And it seems like people
are: according to a recent Match Singles in
America study, a national survey of singles
in the U S, millennials were 66% less likely
than members of older generations to
enjoy receiving oral sex.
“What the data tells us is that there’s
a lot of social pressure and discomfort
around [oral sex], especially among
young people,” says Dr Justin Garcia, an
evolutionary biologist, sex researcher
and scientific advisor at Match. “They’re
worried about whether they’re perceived
as good at it, or whether or not their
partner is physically attracted to them.”
They’re missing out, though. Obviously.
That same Match data showed that
people who enjoy oral sex had, on average,
more sex in the past year and were 43%
more likely to have had a date in the past
year. The real bonus: men and women who
say they like oral sex also have 21% more
orgasms during sex than people who say
they don’t.
How can we cut through the confusion and
enjoy oral again? Whether you’re
giving – you are giving, right? – or receiving,
here’s how you can get back on track.frequently women receive oral sex
from their partners, the more often
they climax. In the same study, 69% (no
joke) of the women who receive oral sex
most of the time during sex reported
having orgasmed the last time they had
intercourse. And yet another study found
that nearly three quarters of women
say clitoral stimulation is necessary for
or enhances their orgasms. So, yeah; it
works.
But that doesn’t mean you should just
dive in head first – because there are also
a not-insignificant number of women
who get self-conscious about having
your face so close to their anatomy.She might turn you down, but don’t take
it personally, and don’t consider it a
forever answer. Research shows that both
sexes enjoy receiving and performing
oral sex more when a person’s partner is
committed to just them.Brush Up on Your Skills. Drawing
ABCs with your tongue and hoping
it’ll get her there by the time you reach
D-E-F won’t cut it. “Some men get overly
complicated with their technique, and
they try to do a lot of different stuff,
which ends up being distracting for a lot
of women,” Marin says. Research from
Northwestern University in the US foundAsk Her First. (Duh.) Odds are,
she probably wants you to take a trip
downtown. That’s because for most
women, it’s a surefire way to orgasm.
One 2016 study found that the more“ There’s a lot of
social pressure and
discomfort around
[oral sex], especially
among young people.”
“One of the major issues I see around
women receiving oral sex is that they’re
uncomfortable with or embarrassed about
their genitals,” says sex therapist Vanessa
Marin. “So the idea of a man having his
nose and mouth and eyes all up in her most
sensitive areas can be really difficult for a
lot of women.” In these cases, it’s best to
give her some reassurance. Say how much
it turns you on to give her pleasure, and
that you genuinely enjoy oral sex.
But maybe you just matched on Tinder
last week and haven’t paid a visit to her
lady garden yet. Before you set off, make
sure you get her consent first with a quick
“I would really love to go down on you
right now – does that sound good to you?”rhythmic stimulation, like dragging
your tongue up and down her clitoris over
and over, enhances her brain rhythms
and literally puts her in a trance that
intensifies the experience and triggers
an orgasm.
Or try the Kivin Method, a favourite of
sex therapist Emily Morse, host of the Sex
with Emily podcast. How it works: Instead
of putting your head straight between her
legs, approach her sideways, so that your
body makes a “T” shape with hers. (You can
even use one of her thighs as a headrest.)
Then move your tongue from left to right,
which allows for ample stimulation of all
the nerve endings packed in the clitoris.
Still tongue-tied? There are someGIVING