First for Women – August 26, 2019

“My daughter had asked me to take

my 13-year-old grandson, Jack, back-

to-school shopping for new sneakers.

On the way to the mall, I was filling

Jack in on how I’d recently volun-

teered at our local food bank and had

just gotten my required CPR certifica-

tion. ‘That’s really cool, Nana!’ Jack

enthused, and I have to admit, I felt

pretty darn proud of myself.

“Jack found a pair of sneakers

quickly, and I asked him if he wanted to

grab a funnel cake. As we approached

the food court, I saw a group of people

crowded around a man lying on the

ground. They seemed to all just be

standing there, looking confused and

not knowing what to do.

“‘Wait here, Jack!’ I said and made

a beeline toward the man floundering

on the ground, as I told the onlookers,

‘Step back! I know CPR!’

“Just as I knelt down and

reached to turn the man’s face

up, someone grabbed me by

the shoulders. I looked up to

see another man looking per-

plexed. He pulled me to my

feet and told me, ‘Thank you,

ma’am, but I’m an undercover

police officer...we’re actually

trying to arrest this guy.’

“I stared at the man on the

ground and watched, speech-

lessly as the officer clicked

on the handcuffs. Even the

shoplifter looked confused by

me. Stunned, I made my way

back to Jack and he asked, ‘Is

he okay, Nana?’ I just grinned

and thought, As long as he

has bail money!”

— Claudia Martin, 71,

Tampa, FL

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Not a cardiac arrest

fun

“As summer was winding down, our neighbors invited us

to a pool party. I had been avoiding putting on a swimsuit

all season, but I bit the bullet and dug out my trusty one-

piece. I had lost weight, and when I slipped it on, I realized

I no longer filled out the top! Luckily, I had foam inserts

I’d saved from an old suit that helped round out the cups.

“I have to admit, I was feeling pretty confident at

the party—that is, until I felt a hot f lash coming on.

Looking at the refreshing pool, I decided to take a quick

dip. Unfortunately, I had completely forgotten about

the ‘enhancements’ I’d added to my swimsuit...and as

I dove in, the impact freed my falsies.

“As my foam boobies bobbed like buoys across the

pool, my neighbor’s 6-year-old son grabbed one and

exa mined it closely, tr y ing to f ig ure out what it was. You

can bet it wasn’t the sun that reddened my face as I word-

lessly snatched the pad from him and headed to the bath-

room to place them back where they belonged.

“I hoped no one else had noticed, but once I rejoined

the party, my husband whispered to me, ‘I never knew

you traveled with your own f lotation devices!’ I whis-

pered back that he’d better hush or he wou ld soon be in

dire need of a lifesaver!” —Karen Gray, 57, Davenport, IA

Hot-f lash splash

Mistaken identity

Hormone havoc