First for Women – August 26, 2019

MISFORTUNE MAGNET

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8/26/19 First for women 49

insight

MISFORTUNE MAGNET MISFORTUNE MAGNET MISFORTUNE MAGNET

JUDGMENT INSECURITY

Your new neighbor rubs you the

wrong way—while you can’t put

your finger on why, you trust your

gut and politely turn down her invi-

tation to a barbecue she’s throwing

to help her get to k now fol ks. The

problem? “Our intuition comes

from things we learned in the past

that may not apply to the future,”

says Starr. “If someone leaves a bad

impression, it’s often because they

remind you of someone else, which

can lead to an unfair judgment.”

As if you weren’t self-conscious

enough about putting on a few

pounds: The team T-shirt you’re

supposed to wear to the charity

bake-off is way too snug. You

squeeze into it so you will fit in, but

you can’t help feeling awkward. “If

you’re uncomfor table, it doesn’t

matter if you look like you belong

because your body language will say

otherwise,” notes Starr. “And the

people around you will automati-

ca l ly pick up on t hat tension.”

“We have a tendency to pull away

from things—and people—that

feel new,” observes Arnsten. To

avoid missing hidden opportunities,

including potential friendships, Starr

recommends being mindful of when

these feelings of doubt creep in.

“Just tell yourself, ‘I’m going to sus-

pend my judgment until I learn more.’

Sticking around in these instances

will often lead to luckier outcomes

and unexpected connections!”

LUCK BOOSTER LUCK BOOSTER LUCK BOOSTER

LUCK BOOSTER

Harness the

“exposure effect”

Find confi dence

in comfort

Question your

fi rst instinct

Starr suggests dressing (or acting)

the way you feel most comfortable.

“When you’re relaxed, you project

confidence, which is an instant

luck-booster.” In fact, a recent study

found that folks who don’t follow

expected dress codes are perceived

as higher-status individuals because

they’re seen as confident enough to

act independently. Says Arnsten, “As

soon as we stop doubting ourselves,

we take control and slash stress.”

You’re up for a big promotion, but

your colleague gets the plum posi-

tion instead. You always keep your

head down and work hard while

your promoted peer is more socia l,

so you end up feeling hurt and con-

fused. “When we think we’ve been

rejected, we feel less safe, and that

can trigger a strong stress response,”

explains Arnsten. “What’s more,

when we feel insecure, we tend to

withdraw further, perpetuating our

feelings of being overlooked.”

FEAR OR ANXIETY

“One of the best ways to improve

your luck is simply showing up,” says

Starr, stressing the importance of

attending get-togethers or speak-

ing up in meetings so you’re top of

mind for promotions and opportuni-

ties. “The more people see you, the

more they perceive you as a positive

presence.” This phenomenon, called

the “mere-exposure effect,” is

proven to make folks think of you

as friendlier and more competent.

Your best friend wants to open an Etsy store with

you, selling the handmade crafts you both love

making. Though you’ve always wanted to start a

business, you’re afraid of taking the leap, and you

tell your pal that you’ll have to pass. Says Starr,

“When we let fear dictate our actions, we close

the door on the possibilities of good fortune.”

“Being inquisitive is one of the most powerful things you can do

to improve your luck and short-circuit fear of the unknown,” says

Starr. “Over time, your world gets bigger, so unfamiliar situations

seem less threatening.” Fostering such curiosity, she says, is as

simple as reading books about unfamiliar topics or taking classes

to learn new skills. In fact, in one recent study, folks who proved

most curious scored highest on measures of well-being.

Stay curious to expand your world

REJECTION

your own luck!